adopting a grandchild

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  tomtom22 6 years, 6 months ago.

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    Hi All,

    My name is Robin and I am new here. I have recently adopted my 3 year old grandson. My daughter was young when she got pregnant, 16. She was 17 when he was born. For the first 3 months she did ok being a mom. All of a sudden she decided she was going to put the baby up for adoption. I decided to adopt him because I was already attatched to him in a big way. I had him and raised him and was finally able to go through with the adoption. A month before the final hearing, my daughter got married. Three days before the final hearing, my daughter came to me saying she was pregnant. She and her husband now want the child to live with them and be a family. My grandson has always known that I am his grandmother and he knows his mother. After almost 3 years of not wanting him, she all of a sudden wants me to give him back. If I felt in my heart that she really wanted him I would let her take him. It is her husband and his mother that want my grandson. Am I wrong for not letting her take him back? Every time he is with her he comes home and talks bad about her saying things like mommy was mean, mommy says I can’t love you anymore. Any and all advise is very welcome. Thanks.



    I want to give you a hug for what you are doing. If she gave him up in the first 3 mo of his like and you were the lucky one to be there for him, she does not deserve him. If it were anyone else, would she even have the opportunity to change her mind? Decide what is best for your grandson. That may not be the easiest thing for you to do but, you have to continue to think about him. I just think that it is grandparents like you help keep the world going ’round. Good luck, and remember, he will always love you, even if his mom tells you he can’t.



    you did great, you did what a mom is supposed to do. You helped your child at a time she really needed while she was – in fact – a child. She has since married, is pregnant and wants the boy – who is only 3. Make them all go to parent class and counciling – make them go WITH you, so she can stop feeling threatened and saying the boy can’t love you.Which is probally the only reason she says this {picture your child going crying for someone & they don’t want you} While it may seem unfair to you, she is your daughter, she was 16 and the baby is only 3. Young enough to correct the wrongs done and for him to go on with his mom and sibling and have a happy good life. In today’s world the role as grand – ma has changed. But you say he knows who mom is, & who you are. Giving him back to mom doesn’t take away who you are to him. You being attached is not enough reason to keep him. Kids should always be with mom if possible. Maybe as a compromise, you can go for Guardianship, where YOU get a say if she is fit to take him. Her not being “lovey”enough is not unfit.BUT YOU can teach her how to be a mom. Say you kept this baby, who is going to teach her how to mother the new baby? she’s only 19 or 20 now, still very young! Is she on drugs right now? Does she beat him? If not then all else can be worked on. Believe me, you don’t want your grandson asking you in a few years why you didn’t at least try to work with mom once she said she was ready to take him. I think the other post was harsh. She was only a kid herself – which doesn’t excuse her, BUT it does EXPLAIN why she acted that way – not to mention, as parents – aren’t we supposed to help our kids when they make a huge mistake? How much more of a gift 20 years from now, when you are ALL together at Christmas, and your daughter is a good mom and you can look at her and her kids, smile and know YOU HELPED MAKE IT HAPPEN!! This is not a stranger, so the advice the other person left you doesn’t apply. If it were a stranger, I would tell you to fight too, BUT it’s your daughter and she is pregnant. You have to consider the fact of him being with his sibling! Please do, think about it. My son literally cries 2 – 3 times a week for the sister he only sees 1-3 times a year …and he is only 7! Just please consider guardianship, you will have rights and everyone can be involved and get some good education and help. Good luck!




    Robin & Rocha, welcome to the board!

    You are the one that has kept this family together and I give you high praise for doing so.
    As far as giving your grandson back to his mother……..I have mixed feelings
    about this.

    While he calls you Grandma, you truly are the only mother he has known for three years.

    If you were not related to his mother, there would be no question at all – you’ve adopted him and had him for three years ….. while calling you Grandma, but actually being the mother in the relationship.

    I cannot tell you one way or the other. I think they call this a predicament.

    Let us know what you decide.



    I applaud you for stepping in and taking care of your grandchild like that. Its a hard thing to do.
    I am trying to do research on how to go about adopting my grandson. His parents gave him to me when he was 6months old. I do have legal custody and now I want to disolve their rights permanently. Neither of them are capable of being a parent. His mother comes around once every 6months or longer. She has bipolar, has tried to commit suicide and is a cutter. He doesn’t know who she is. His dad (my son), is just as bad. They both are drug heads and I don’t want my grandson around either of them. I know this is a major expense and I’m not rolling in the money but I have to do something to make sure they can’t come back and try to take him from me. If anyone can point me in a positive direction I would greatly appreciate it…. thanks for listening



    First of all I want to applaud you for what you are doing. I have adopted five kids internationally so I know how hard this can be for you. If she is being mean to him and he’s saying this I would fight tooth and nail to gain custody of him. I will be praying for you and your family.



    Hello, I am new to this cite… I am in a position to help my parenst fight for the custody of my 4yr old niece. she has been raised around nothing but fighting and abuse between my sister and her father. my niece is never happy at daycare, the doctor diagnosis her(the baby girl) with an uneasy heart rate that can be treated. We are afraid for both my sister and my niece’s life. we feel we cannot control what my sister does, but my niece will slowly die due to the environment she is being brought up in. this has been going on since she was in my sister’s womb. we love my sister dearly but she allows her child to continue to live this way. there have been several reports made on this abusive, psychotic man. we have the reports, witnesses, and experiences enough to fight for the custody of my niece. We dont know where to start. We need lots of advice. please anyone reply!!!



    Welcome to the board, Cltemps4e!

    Must be breaking your heart to have your little niece treated this way.
    Need to document everything w/ a paper trail.
    Keep a diary with names and dates of events.

    Get a good lawyer.

    Maybe it will convince the mother to get rid of the man
    and take parenting classes.

    This must be tough on your entire family.

    Wishing you and this little girl all the best.



    Robin – Have there been any developments with this?

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