Search Results for: adoption family dynamics

Is This Really an Adoption Thing?

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My husband once asked me, “How do you get enough ideas for your blog? Our kids are just not that screwed up.” (As you can probably tell, we have one of those opposites-attract, writer-mathematician sort of marriages.) Of course, I agreed with him—our kids are doing pretty darned good. I explained (after telling him that he should read my work more often!) that I try to write a mix of informational and personal-experience blogs, and adoption was a big subject (actually three subjects: domestic infant, foster care and international adoptions—not to mention book reviews, family dynamics, and a few dozen … Continue reading →

Book Review: Inside Transracial Adoption

Can a mother duck raise a swan to swim like a swan? By educating herself about swans, telling her child about swans? Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall would suggest that she cannot. What she can do very well, however, is teach the young swan all the important things about how to be a bird. She can love him, and she can be his real mother. But to have him be comfortable as a swan, ultimately she will have to let him spend time with and learn from swans. Steinberg and Hall are the authors of Inside Transracial Adoption(c.2000,Perspectives Press). Steinberg … Continue reading →

Transracial Adoption, The Humorous Side

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My wife and I have adopted five maternal brothers. Their ethnicity varies because they have different fathers. We are in our fifties and Caucasian. It can be amusing when all of us go out together to a public place. We enjoy watching people looking at us and trying to figure out our family dynamics. When I take one or more of our boys somewhere with me, I usually get a remark to the effect that I have beautiful grandchildren. I always tell the person that I am the children’s father. I then walk away, leaving them to wonder about us. … Continue reading →

Defining Family

What is it that defines your family? Is your family defined by the people you’ve grown up with? Are they the one’s who’ve been there for you when you’ve needed them? I have chosen three main definitions of family to focus on: genetics, law and special relationship. When looking at family dynamics in adoption, we should know that people use any combination of these to base their perspective, some putting more priority on one over the other. Genetics: Being united by genes is one way people define family. Some people call this blood relation, or biologically related, and some call … Continue reading →

Sibling Adoption: Two for One!

One of the reasons we decided to adopt children from the foster care system was the fact we wanted more than one child. As a couple nearing our 40’s we felt if we were not going to have children biologically related to us–we would adopt children related to each other. We started our adoption process with the intention of adopting siblings through our state foster care system. There were definite advantages and disadvantages to adopting two children at the same time. The advantages were in the process and work we needed to do in order to have our state adoption … Continue reading →

A Lesson In Humility

So my husband is in the hospital, and the kids and I have been going up every night to visit. Tonight we had a new nurse that came in and said how nice it was that one of our kids friends came to visit too. The kids looked at each other wondering who she meant. Now we knew exactly what she meant, and I am sure that the nurse never would have said that had she had known all of our kids are adopted. This got me thinking about how with all the publicity with stars going to adoption for … Continue reading →

Home Study Interview Part 3

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During your individual interview you will be asked about your spouse. If you had previously been married they will ask questions about your previous marriage, why it did not work and how your current marriage is different. You should prepare for your interviews make sure you are both on the same pages when it comes to all the important issues. Discuss with your spouse your plans for discipline, your family dynamics, and your own individual reasons for wanting to adopt. Your Social Worker will ask you many of the questions from the couple’s interview will be asked again during your … Continue reading →

Home Study Interview part 2

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One last note about talking to your extended family about you adopting is if you have decided to adopt children of a different ethnicity or has physical disabilities. Adopting a child from a different race was always an option for us, we just were always open to that. Even in 2002 when our adoption journey began we never would have thought of ethnicity or race would be an issue. Unfortunately, even in today’s world racism is very prevalent. We were not really concerned about our families accepting a child of a different race but, it needs to be discussed. After … Continue reading →

Home Study Interviews Part 1

When the application is complete, the references are in; the safety check is complete so now what? Now the fun begins! You will have a couple’s interview and an individual interview. When you process the application you will be asked to write letters individually about your spouse, your marriage, your extended family. In the letter they want to know about your spouse’s good features, and their bad ones. When the couple’s interview starts you will be asked about items that are in your letter. They will want to know who manages the money, which one makes the hard choices, who … Continue reading →

Can We Emphasize Culture Too Much?

The latest issue of Adoptive Families’ magazine has an article by Mei-Ling Hopgood. She writes from the perspective of an adult adoptee, having been adopted from Taiwan in the 1970s and raised in the U.S. by white parents, together with her two brothers adopted from Korea. I’ve written before about the discomfort I sometimes feel regarding how much to emphasize my daughters’ birth culture. Many young adult adoptees are now speaking out and saying that they either thought of themselves as “white” or desperately wanted to be, that they had a tremendous shock in high school or college when others … Continue reading →