aileng's comments

Divorce - The Dirty Game - Blog Entry

11 Jul 2008 04:17 PM

How very true indeed..... According to German law, a separation time of one year is a must before one can apply for a divorce. The separation time allows the possibility of couples getting back together which is all fine and good... theorectically. Perhaps some instances it works too. But in a case I know, when one partner is unable to accept that the other wants a divorce and creates all kinds of ugly scenes with constant deliberate confrontations and threats and the usual, certainly not the first time, physical attack and violence leading to hospitalization... well, I suppose it's just inevitable but to persue the ongoing court issues! Besides having the matter of alimony and a sizable joint account to be settled. Certainly emotions are highly-strung up but are such to term it mildly "caveman" tactics really necessary?? Sorry but this is the story of a love affair gone very sour!

Welcome Parents of Special-Needs Children! - Blog Entry

11 Jul 2008 03:19 AM

Hi Kristyn I'm new to this site and I must say I do find your forum thought-inspiring and am glad that you're not shy of handling „touchy" subjects like disabilities, mental retardation etc, for which I'm gratefull. It allows me the opportunity of putting down my thoughts and feelings. Actually it's through my darling niece Felicia who is presently residing in Melbourne that I got to know about your site. Let me introduce myself... I'm writing from Germany and have been living here since 29 years but originally I'm from Singapore. I have a 21 year daughter Jasmin who unfortunately as a result of an unexpected and unexplainable neurodegenerative illness and severe seizures, is mentally and physically disabled. She suffers from a multitude of movement disorders which restrict largely her daily activities and sometimes even her speech, breathing and swallowing. Despite her mental disability, Jasmin understands more than she could speak; even some English since I've raised her bilingual. She could articulate about 10 words and where her well-being is concerned, she certainly has a mind of her own. She wouldn't hesitate to order me around; if not through speech, body language is sufficient! But I wouldn't mind since her demands are few and if possible keep her mentally fit whilst retaining her personality. Jasmin loves romantic ballads in English and the Beatles, BeeGees and Karen Carpenter for e.g.. When reading to her out of her favourite story books which she knows by heart, I sometimes leave certain words out i.e those that she is able to articulate and she fills them back in. When I praises her or when I'm able to fulfill her requests, her eyes light up and she felt understood. I guess like most mothers, I think my child is special perhaps even more so becos of her illnesses and disabilities. It is through Jasmin and her strong will to live despite her illnesses and disabilities that I've learned and seen many things in life and that has often given me the strength and courage to go on.

Why "Special Needs" Applies to You, Too - Blog Entry

11 Jul 2008 12:27 AM

Now be honest, unless you're personally involved, how many of us do give much thought to people, young and elderly, with sickness or disabilities? Neither did I before though at the back of my mind, yes they are a part of our society too and have just as much right to be seen and heard as "normal" people do. Sometimes they can be a bit loud but so what even "normal" people can be loud too right? And what's "normal" by the way? I have come across people with different stages of "normality" just as there are different stages to "mental disability".

We learn to be courteous; offer our seat to elderly person or mothers with babies or small children or someone with a walking stick or in a wheelchair. Yes, sickness or disability could come to anyone of us and even at times suddenly and unexpectedly, like in the case of my daughter. Nowadays, it doesn't trouble me so much when someone reacts lets say "hesitantly or in fright" when I take my 21 year old daughter Jasmin for walks in her wheelchair. I suppose it's not a pleasant sight seeing a young person handicapped in that way although Jasmin has a friendly disposition and smiles at anyone she encounters. Some return her smile, some look at her with shock or pity and some just look away. It took me quite a while but I've now learned to cope with such reactions although sometimes an unexpected comment may throw me back a bit. Fortunately for Jasmin becos of her mental disability, she does not understand the negative reactions or comments. However her disabilities has given her an extra fine sensory perception and although she takes to most people, there are some she will just reject offhand. And she feels instantly the change in atmosphere although I tried to hide these negative feelings from her since I just want her to be happy. She suffers enough from the severe illness and the disabilities which forces heavy restriction in her daily life.

I understand that it's quite natural for each and everyone of us to just want to see, feel and enjoy the positive side of life like positive equals happiness. To close our eyes or ignore the negative side of things hoping they may just go away... how nice if that would work(!)

It took me a long while but I have finally learned to tolerate the ignorance and careless attitude of the people in our society. Thoughtless remarks or reactions towards such disabilites or unknown illnesses has often despair me but I have never given up hope. I can't for the sake of Jasmin. She relies on me to protect and care for her, to give her the love and asssurance she desperately needs, to fight for her rights in society and to ensure her future needs; limited and small they may be. Thankfully there are others who have been helpfull and shown understanding of our situation, and becos of them I learn to hold my head up high.

Whenever I look into my daughter's eyes and see the love and trust for me compensates for the hardship, desperation, sorrow, frustrations, struggle and difficulties Jasmin and I have encountered the last ten years and will encounter as we walk together down this unknown path of her illness.

Many questions and challenges have been posed in Jasmin's and my life... some remain still unanswered but whatever is ahead of us, I can only say I feel richer not in wealth but for the experiences, thoughts, strength and courage that I have gained and learned as a result of Jasmin's illness and disabilities.

Mental Retardation - Criteria and Lingering Questions - Blog Entry

10 Jul 2008 04:35 AM

Mental retardation is not a term I like using for my daughter Jasmin either. Alright that may be the official medical term for her condition and I have meanwhile learned to accept it but I much prefer "mental disability" though I suppose for some there isn't much difference. I find that here in Germany they have a much worse term "intellectually handicap" which initally took me a while to swallow! Jasmin was diagnosed mentally disabled at the age of four as a result of cerebral palsy and seizures. Unfortunately at the age of eleven, the seizures took a turn for the worse and since then she is also physically disabled and sits in a wheelchair. Despite her incapabilities, her pain and sufferings, Jasmin has always a smile for me. It's like she's saying "Mama, I know you are there with me and for me". It seems to me the sun seems to shine a little brighter thereafter. Her life hasn't been easy; just one stumbling block after the other. She didn't ask to be borned for such a life. But then again, she doesn't ask for much... just someone familiar to show her love, care and attending to her needs.

Should a Severely Disabled Girl Be Allowed to Grow Up? - Blog Entry

10 Jul 2008 03:25 AM

I don't know if this family is doing the right thing or not but I can understand their situation. I am a sole parent (mother) and caretaker of a 21 year old girl who is mentally and physically disabled. Despite her disabilities my daughterJasmin is now, how else to describe kindly her condition(?), mentally and physically disabled... sits in a wheelchair. She needs fulltime care, feeding, changing her clothes, wear diapers, toiletry, bathing etc. Nights I have to see to her to ensure that she does not suffocate or to avoid wounds becos she lie on one position only or if necessary change her diapers etc. Despite her mental disability, Jasmin understands more than she could speak. She could articulate about 10 words and where her well-being is concerned, she has a mind of her own, e.g. when she's hungry or when she needs her bedrest or when she wants her music. Since this year she goes two or three times a week to a Daycare centre for disabled young people and she gets twice a week physical therapy and although the visit to the Daycare centre tires her a lot and I often have to give her a bedrest when she gets home but I think she enjoys it. Jasmin is just slightly taller than me; about 1.60m and weighs about 40 kilos; perhaps becos of the movement disorder illness which impairs her daily life causing speech, breathing and swallowing difficulties. She gets occasionally her menstruation too. My highlight of each day is when she smiles or laugh at my silly jokes or when I sing offkey, when she gives me a kiss or put her arms around me, I'm just gratefull for small mercies and for the chance to share each day of our lives together while we can.