allgrownupnow's commentsComments On: Everything Articles Blogs Journals Photos created by: Everyoneallgrownupnow Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother13 Oct 2007 11:44 AM I feel for ALstepmom's stepson. If your stepson's relationship with his mother is like the relationship I have with my mother, he feels he is betraying his mother for loving or even spending any time at all with someone (his father) who his mother is at odds with. I remember feeling that I was being disloyal for being cheerful or even smiling when my mother was in a bad mood. I think that all you can do, other than maybe getting him some counselling, is to be as loving and supportive as you can. There were a few adults in my life when I was a child who were like pseudoparents, and I feel that they helped me because they gave me a little perspective. I knew that in my affectionless family wasn't normal when I saw these other adults pull their children into their laps and cuddle them, something my parents never did. It made me realize that I wasn't weak or weird for wanting attention and affection, rather that my parents had some weird hangup because they weren't able to give it. Your stepson is even luckier because he has a real dad and stepmom who are able to give him this. Good luck to you and your family. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother11 Oct 2007 08:42 PM This all sounds so familiar. I was recently in therapy with my parents (narcissistic mother and bullied, enabling father) to try to re-connect after my parents convinced most of my family to boycott my wedding (had to ask my parents not to come after my mother threatened to misbehave - she didn't feel she had been "involved enough in the planning" and my father defended her), then tried to extort money from me (they wanted their "investment" back from a home I was selling to buy another home in an area closer to where I work) to further punish me for standing up for myself and my husband. My mother has quit working with me and our therapist; what I was telling her about MY feelings was too hard for HER to hear. I feel badly, sometimes, that my parents don't really know my infant daughter, but my therapist says I need to stop thinking, "I should..." and start thinking, "I want..." I wish there were some way to have some kind of healthy relationship with them, but I come away from every interaction with them feeling badly about myself, not because I've done something wrong but because I feel as though they are looking down their noses at me and that I will never measure up. BUT I know that I can't really have a healthy relationship with my mother because of her limitations, and I am grieving that now, working on taking care of myself in the way my mother should have taken care of me but never could have. Books that have helped me are "Drama of the Gifted Child" and "Trapped in the Mirror". |
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