20 Feb 2007 07:21 PM

Devastated.........

My husband and I found out we were pregnant right before Thanksgiving. We were soo excited and couldn't wait to be parents. We had at first thought about not telling anyone until we went to the doctor, but by the time the day was over we had told the whole world. We first went to see the prenatal nurse who confirmed that we were pregnant. She said I was due around July 19, 07. A few days later I went to see my OB doctor for an ultrasound. Everything was completely normal and I felt Great.  That ultrasound showed us to be due on Aug. 1. A couple of weeks later my husband and I went for another routine OB office visit and seen the baby's heartbeat for the 1st time. It was absolutely amazing. We had no idea at that time that would be the last time we would see our little one's heartbeat. A few weeks later right before Christmas we had another OB visit. I felt great and we had no idea what we were about to hear would change our lives forever. Those words my doctor spoke will haunt me for the rest of my life. He told us that the baby's heart had stopped beating at 6w 4d. We couldn't understand why when just 2 short weeks prior to this OB visit we seen a beating heart. I had no symptoms of a miscarriage. I had no cramping and no bleeding and I think  that made it even harder for me. He told us that we could do a d and c then or we could wait 2 weeks and repeat the ultrasound. We waited 2 weeks and repeated the ultrasound. We did nothing but cry and pray for those 2 weeks and everyday since then. The ultrasound didn't show any change. I should have been 10w. I had to end up having a d and c on Jan. 5, 07. This has been the most horrorific experience I have faced so far in my life. There are no words to comfort you and nothing you can do to make you feel any better.
People tell me that it will get better once time is on our side, but I am not seeing it. I will never forget and there will always be a special place in my heart for this little one. This is the only thing I want to talk about and the only thing I can think about. I still cry almost everyday. The heartache I felt weeks ago is still here like it was yesterday. I know it will never go away, we may just learn to cope with it better. God has been our rock and our strength and I know he will help us through this.
GOD BLESS!
AMY

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karabu (980) 22 Feb 2007 10:43 PM

((Hugs)) Don't let anyone tell you how long you're allowed to grieve. You need your feelings. No one else can feel what you feel. I wish I had words of comfort, but I don't. I'm sure you'll keep your baby forever in your heart. I'm so sorry that this happened to you and your family.