Angeleyes333's comments

"I'm a Bad Mother!"

15 May 2009 09:23 PM

I constantly question whether or not my mothering skills are up to par. Not only do I feel like maybe others look at me as a bad mom, (for instance they look at me as a bad mom because of my disciplinary actions, or my personal life and the actions that go with it) but also I question it myself. My parents have have told me a time or two that I'm a good mother, but are constantly trying to correct what I'm doing. I do something that I don't think is horribly wrong, but they disagree which in turn makes me feel like I'm a bad mom. Unfortunately, what makes it really hard is the fact that I live with them, and we've had issues in the past that kept us from talking for about 3 years. So, not only can I not raise my own child by myself because I have my mom, dad, and 3 sisters trying to tell me how to do it, but I have to try to raise him under their scrutiny. And, if I have an opinion about anything...it's shunned and basically turned around to make it my fault. It's hard because I am trying the best I can, and I do put my son first...they just tend to see it differently. For example...they think that it is horrible that in the morning when my son wakes up, I put him in bed with me and we lay there and roll around and play until I come to the conclusion that it's time to get up. As my mom put it "you make that little boy wait in the morning until YOU are ready to get up..." but then she turned around and said I was a good mom....? Another instance, I spent some money on myself and she said that "I would have never spent that money on myself...I would feel horrible for not spending it on my child..." But its like, I know for a fact that she was not a perfect mother, so why is she trying to control me and my mothering skills?? I really don't understand it. Sure, I'm not perfect, and yes I am human and I make mistakes and wrong judgments, but give me a break!

I kinda vented....lol sorry! Anyway, I can definitely relate to this article. Not only have I been diagnosed (when I was 16 - 5 years ago) with MDD - major depression disorder, but also I was told I was bipolar as well. I think that I still struggle with depression alot, and possibly even being bipolar, and that makes it really hard. I think my whole situation (divorced in October, being a new mom, living back at home, and starting completely over with practically nothing) has brought me back down to that depression level. So, I can see where depression and other mental illnesses go hand-in-hand with questioning your mothering skills and everything like that.

I'm sorry for the long post...just had a lot to say I guess!