Asperger’s and Relationships

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  crhodes 3 years, 6 months ago.

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  • #195486

    Shine1717

    Hello. My story is a long one but I will try to make it short. My good friend is believed to be undiagnosed Asperger’s and he also has anxiety, OCD, depression and anger issues. I know, sounds like alot. Here is my situation. He is my good friend but I have fallen for him as more than a friend. When we first met he was very different than he is now. Stress has made all of his mental health issues go through the roof which has effected the way he behaves. Now he seems to only be in his life. It’s like he has become incredibly selfish. It’s like he is now consumed with himself and cant see anything but himself. We used to talk about marriage, relationships and he would do something sweet now and then but now talk is only about his problems and his situation and his hobby and what he can do to help himself. I don’t want to think that he has lost interest in me but his behaviors lately are so confusing. He is still “here” but it’s also like he’s not, like he’s a different person.

    Has anyone gone through this or are going through this, does this sound familiar? How should I handle it? Are here any words of encouragement out there?

    Thanks

    #1044333

    kap64

    Shine,

    This situation is exactly why I joined this chat group today. My husband of 13 years, I believe has a mild form of this condition. I feel so alone in my marriage. He’s a good man, he’s raised my children when their own father wouldn’t but he has no intimacy with me.

    We can spend the day together and he won’t say a word unless it’s about work or science fiction (his two loves). I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life this way. I’ve asked him to see a doctor, Ive asked him to see a psychiatrist and I’m very open to communication regarding this topic because I am a nurse.

    He realizes he has a problem but will do nothing about it.

    I’m only 45 years old and am not ready for a life without intimacy, connection, or shared friendship. I have never felt so alone (which was the whole reason I wanted to be married…to avoid just that).

    When we first started dating I thought he was a kind, mature man . He’s 11 yrs older than I. We used to do things together but again it was always what he wanted, what he felt comfortable with. When I would bring up new ideas, he’d withdraw.

    I feel your frustration but I can tell you to love someone who is incapable of loving you back the way you might need, is one of the hardest things to do.

    This probably doesn’t help you other than to know you are not alone.

    Kap

    #1044452

    HeppiBean92

    Hi there, I’m only 18 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months. He has Asperger’s Syndrome and I have been aware of this from day one. Luckily for me he was diagnosed with the disorder when he was a child. Living with him at first was difficult although now I have gained knowledge of the condition is much easier… It’s not all bad, there is a light at the end of the tunnel

    #1044458

    srusate

    Hi I myself have not been in this situation directly but I have stood by my mother as she has. My step father was injured at work leaving him faced with surgury and a 50/50 chance one of being paralized the other death. His injuries were to his neck and spinal cord. During this time my brother was turning 4 they had just bought a house and my mother was not working so his income paid everything. When it all came down to it he was being pulled in every direction from insurance companies anyway, We all became very separated by his behavior when as hard as it is we need to put ourselves in their shoes try to see the reality in what they face every moment . I am currently going into school for psychology and really think that most of the selfishness that you witness may be his way of coping with insecurities and stress his mind probably feels like its going to explode with no answers to his many questions. The body handles things very differently sometimes and can even shut down due to such stress after all we are only human and can only take so much. In my experience I would suggest trying to keep a very open mind meaning that you are stable enough to know he has outburst that aren’t meant so rise above they emotion and help him find a positive outlet for his frustrations. Getting into a state of mind where you start to take things personal when someone is affected this way by a disease is not healthy for either of you. I would try to seek out some professional advice to guide you down the right road before its too late.It seems like he has a trusted friend in you that will help him through whatever don’t let him lose that over something he cant control. Hope things get better :)

    #1044473

    crhodes

    To Kap64
    I am new to this web site. Your letter sounds exactly like my life. I understand very well
    how you feel. Try being married for 37 years. We only discovered that my husband
    had Aspergers when he was 69. I always thought his lack of emotion was from a
    very reserved family. The biggest problem is not having anyone to talk to that understands how you feel. I am trying to find a support group that can meet and talk about their frustrations.
    I live in southern California.

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