Beth McHugh's comments

The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry

22 Nov 2009 05:19 PM

Hi Bonnie, it is perfectly normal for you to be having these feelings, as a "relationship" with a narcissist is always a one-way street. It doesn;t help when you are not fully acknowledged for all you are going through by your husband either. It's like a second, albeit, lower grade form of non-acknowledgement, just as your mother would seldom have acknowledged you in your life. Is it possible for her to move back home? In the meantime you will need to set very firm boundaries about the type of behaviors you will and won't accpet from her. Your therapist will be able to help you with this. Best wishes, Beth

When a Therapist Fails to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Extended Family - Blog Entry

17 Nov 2009 04:27 PM

Hi Grizelda, yes this situation is very common. Sadly the client is often seen by the therapist as the sick one, and while they are certainly suffering psychological distress it is very common for the therapist to view the client as the problem in isolation and not look at the whole world of the client. In the case of an NPD parent, it is almost impossible for a child to come out unscarred at some level. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

10 Nov 2009 06:32 PM

Hi inpain for them, as the children are quite old and able to understand adult concepts, you may wish to consider having family therapy. Apart from narcissism, there are indicators of histrionic personality disorder but that would need to be determined for an accuarate diagnosis. Paersonality disorders are very difficult to deal with alone and that is why having family therapy where the behaviors are brought into the open and discussed may be useful. If the mother has NPD it is unlikely she will ever pursue counseling, it is not possible for a narcissist to admit imperfection. On the other hand, if HPD is present she would be attracted to the attention. Whatever, these children, especially the oder two, are of an age that having an explanation for their mother's behavior can only benefit them if they actually accept it. The latter can sometimes be problematic tha tis why I am suggesting family therapy. Best wishes, Beth

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

10 Nov 2009 12:11 AM

Hi Corrinak, thanks for posting this and congratulations on going into rehab and your success. Your parents would be proud of you because doing that is harder and better than being a corporate boss. You are a success...you just dont't see it. As for the greiving, I think that grieving is largely a taboo subect in our society and you will find that htier are many people greiving for decades after the death of a loved one. The pain doesn't go away, it just alters. Perhaps you did not grieve enoughat the start...I don't know... many people just try to get on with it or are forced by spciety to do so. So I don't beleive your life is without hope, I think you are in a very big boat. A big boat full ofother greiving people living in slience because we are not "allowed" to grieve for too long. Keep going, you are doing so well. I am proud of you, I know your journey is a hard one and therefopre all the more valuable. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

08 Nov 2009 04:50 PM

Hi inpainforthem, it's possible that this lady has a dual diagnosis, that is there is another condition present with the NPD. Also you didn't mention the ages of the children. The latter affects how you and your hsuband might deal with the situation. You are doing the correct thign in providing a stable loving environment for them, and hopefully time and maturity will help them to see most of the truth of their mother. Depending on their age, there are differing ways of handling the situation. There is also a concern that one of the children may go on to develop the disorder thmeselves as it does run in families and is often triggered by trauma. That is why it is important for you both to be firm, stable and loving. Educating the children amy be a slow option but again that depends on their age. If you need further help you can always contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry

08 Nov 2009 04:08 PM

Hi Stiney, you can contact me through the private message board ordinarily but currently it is down. Hopefully it will be up and working soon. Best, Beth

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

29 Oct 2009 04:17 PM

Hi JG 93, I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your lovely mother. I also apologize for not having replied earlier, I have had logging in problems to the Families computer and I hate to think of you putting on this plea for help and me being unable to access the site to answer you. It is a huge deal to lose your mother at any age, but you are not yet a full adult so it naturally comes at an even greater blow to you. Let me reassure you that the feelings you are having are normal, although they are unpleasant. Can you talk to your Dad about how you are feeling about your mother? Your school friends simply do not understand and will not until it it their time to lose their mothers,. Then they will understand but they cannot now. The anxiety you are feeling is normal but it will be a secondary emotion. That means that it is likely to be anger that your mother died, sadness that she is gone, or, guilt that you didn't do enough (you did!). What this means is that it is too painful for you to look just yet but so it comes out in another way, such as worry about homework or worry that Dad might die. All this is quite normal. If you have no-one to talk to try writing down how you feel. Cry about your mom if you are not doing so. If you ae angry with God for taking her, get angry. He can take it. Let all this pain out and you will find that the weird anxiety feelings with slowly go away. But remember, it takes around a year to get ove the primary grieving process (not the anxiety part) o do not expect too much of yourself over the coming months. Think of your mother and talk to her when you feel really down. This will let a lot of the pain out. I'm sure you will be alright, if you need help contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com but try the things I suggested (talking, crying and writing) and see how that goes. I'm sure your mother is watching over you and the love you have for her will ultimately get you through this. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

29 Oct 2009 03:59 PM

Hi Lucinder, it's great that your husband is seeing what is really going on with your SIL, so you do not have to either feel totally isolated over the issue and you do have an ally. What you need to do is for you and your husband to decide what you will and won't put up with in terms of behavior from her, and set firm boundaries. Narcissists don't like firm boundaries and she will go off running to her parents about whatever you do as a couple. You have to have a plan in place for when that happens too. Because she is not an immediate member of your family and you are not alone, you are at least not enmeshed with a narcissistic MIL and a husband who can't see it, so you will be able to sort out a solution that, while not perfect, it makes life better for you. If you need help in sorting out new behavior patterns with this woman, you can also contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

27 Oct 2009 03:44 PM

Hi Lucinder, the main issue for you here is: "how does your husband feel about this? "If you two are together on this issue then things will be a lot easier. HoOwever, if he too is blinded by your SIL's behavior then that will make things harder for you since you will be on your own against a host of other family members. Let me know where you stand on this, as that will make a huge difference to how you handle this situation. Best wishes, Beth

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:36 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth