Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry17 Aug 2011 02:03 AM Hi Susan, If you need asssitance in wiping the tapes your mother planted in your head please contact me at youronlinecounselor.com or simply google Beth McHugh. All this denial by your mother is to be expected from a narcissist. Have a read of my articles on NPD. Knowledge is power. Good luck! Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry17 Aug 2011 02:00 AM Hi Heidi, I can't erase your post but if you chnge your mind about your father you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com or simply Google Beth McHugh and you will find me. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry15 Aug 2011 12:21 AM Hi Jess, thank you for sharing your story and thanks Mumtobe for supporting Jess. Jess, guilt is a common by product of trying to escape the sticky web of a narcissistic parent because it is often programmed into us by society that we are to love and honor our parents. This is where a lot of adult children of narcissists get stuck, but you don't have to be caught up in this guilt! Contact me at youronlinecounselor.com or just Google Beth McHugh and contact me thorugh enquiries. The guilt can be removed once you identify wha tis causing the guilt and then challenge it systematically. Your fear of being a "bad" mother will never come to pass, simply because you are even thinking you "might" not be good enough! Many adult childen of narcissists ask me if they are one too. If you ask, then you have the insight to realise narcissism exists and therfore that fear is ungrounded. For narcissisits however, they have an inability to self examine and that is why I am confident that despite not having a good template as a mother, you will be a "good enough" mother -- the psychological term for a successful mother. Do not let your mother's techniques fool you that you have no idea how to be a good mother. You do! Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry10 Aug 2011 12:20 AM Hi Mumtobe, I'm so glad you have successfully come through the tunnel and are now out on the other side feeling good about the situation. Your mother will keep trying but as long as you recognize the pattern you will be ok. I wish you a lot o fun with your new little girl -- she is lucky to have escaped the horrors of an NPD mother. And thank you for your thanks, it's a pleasure for me to see people move from entrapment and hopelessness to being the person they weere meant to be. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry10 Aug 2011 12:20 AM Hi Mumtobe, I'm so glad you have successfully come through the tunnel and are now out on the other side feeling good about the situation. Your mother will keep trying but as long as you recognize the pattern you will be ok. I wish you a lot o fun with your new little girl -- she is lucky to have escaped the horrors of an NPD mother. And thank you for your thanks, it's a pleasure for me to see people move from entrapment and hopelessness to being the person they weere meant to be. Best wishes, Beth Coping with Death - Blog Entry08 Aug 2011 11:47 PM Hi Brandy, I'm not sure it's odd. People differ in their approach to death based on their personality type, and their closeness to the deceased. It's possible that you have shut off some of the grief; it's also possible that you were not particularly connected to these people. Was this the case? Perhaps you just have a pragmatic approach to death. Unless it is bothering you, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Unless it is interfering with relationships with the livign who may not understand your feelings about death. Best wishes. Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry08 Aug 2011 06:27 PM Hi Penny, Yes, it is an NPD tactic but I really cannot ethically answer this question without additional information. It is possible your mother is not a narcissist but mey have some other personaility disorder , or something else again. If you contact me at youronlinecounselor.com you can determine whether she actually has this disorder and know better how to proceed. Best, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry08 Aug 2011 05:41 AM Hi Mumtobe, It's so great that you don't feel anger or sadness and have moved to a place where you feel comfortable not being in contact with your mother. The whole concept is sad, but you have faced the reality that you aren't going to get what you want and have made a decision. Your mother made a decision too, all those years ago to treat you in a way that makes you want to get away from her. This is very telling. Although I cannot ethically advise you what to do, if you change your contact details that is your right. And yes, I'm sure she doesn't beleive that you have made a decision to end the relationship because, as a narcissitist that is unacceptable to her. It means there could be something unpalateable about her, and that can't be true. You are also likely correct in thinking she wants to be in contact for the baby. While this is natural you have to weigh up the long term effects of having your mother back in your life against your child having a grandparent. You know the pain you have suffered, and what ever you fel comfortable with is the way to go for you. If you have guilt probelms down the line you can always contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth How To Turn Down the Volume on Negative Thoughts - Blog Entry08 Aug 2011 05:28 AM Hi MainerMike, I definitely agree with your comments. In my practice I focus exclusively on examining and challenging long held belief systems as they underpin the negative thoughts. It certainly isn't about stopping negative thoughts, it's looking at the root cause for the thoughts. Without doing that, the thoughts continue or come back under stressful conditions. On my website which I run in conjunction with my blogs on Families, you can read about my personal philosophy of the importance of changing belief systems. You can find me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry30 Jul 2011 12:53 AM Hi Katarina, I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your grandfather, it will seem a little surreal until the shock passes. Your mother will eventually come to terms with the loss of her father and although you say you don't know what to do, that doesn't really matter too much. The point is you care and care enough to write about your worries for your mother. If you don't know what to say to your mom just tell her that, and hold her hand and let her cry. The sooner she gets out her grief, the better for her, but it will come and go in waves. If you feel sad tell your mother and you can share your sadness. There is no point having the two of you suffering in silence. It's amazing how comforting and hug, a hand on the shoulder, even a hairbrush can be in times like this. Your mother will be ok. Death comes to us all, it is a part of life and your grandfather and all your ancestors have gone through the loss of their parents. Your mother will too. She is lucky to have such a wonderful daughter who cares about her and she is soon to find out just how much. Good luck, Katarina, I'm sure you and your mother will be a great support to each other. Best wishes, Beth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
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