Beth McHugh's comments

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

29 Oct 2009 04:17 PM

Hi JG 93, I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your lovely mother. I also apologize for not having replied earlier, I have had logging in problems to the Families computer and I hate to think of you putting on this plea for help and me being unable to access the site to answer you. It is a huge deal to lose your mother at any age, but you are not yet a full adult so it naturally comes at an even greater blow to you. Let me reassure you that the feelings you are having are normal, although they are unpleasant. Can you talk to your Dad about how you are feeling about your mother? Your school friends simply do not understand and will not until it it their time to lose their mothers,. Then they will understand but they cannot now. The anxiety you are feeling is normal but it will be a secondary emotion. That means that it is likely to be anger that your mother died, sadness that she is gone, or, guilt that you didn't do enough (you did!). What this means is that it is too painful for you to look just yet but so it comes out in another way, such as worry about homework or worry that Dad might die. All this is quite normal. If you have no-one to talk to try writing down how you feel. Cry about your mom if you are not doing so. If you ae angry with God for taking her, get angry. He can take it. Let all this pain out and you will find that the weird anxiety feelings with slowly go away. But remember, it takes around a year to get ove the primary grieving process (not the anxiety part) o do not expect too much of yourself over the coming months. Think of your mother and talk to her when you feel really down. This will let a lot of the pain out. I'm sure you will be alright, if you need help contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com but try the things I suggested (talking, crying and writing) and see how that goes. I'm sure your mother is watching over you and the love you have for her will ultimately get you through this. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

29 Oct 2009 03:59 PM

Hi Lucinder, it's great that your husband is seeing what is really going on with your SIL, so you do not have to either feel totally isolated over the issue and you do have an ally. What you need to do is for you and your husband to decide what you will and won't put up with in terms of behavior from her, and set firm boundaries. Narcissists don't like firm boundaries and she will go off running to her parents about whatever you do as a couple. You have to have a plan in place for when that happens too. Because she is not an immediate member of your family and you are not alone, you are at least not enmeshed with a narcissistic MIL and a husband who can't see it, so you will be able to sort out a solution that, while not perfect, it makes life better for you. If you need help in sorting out new behavior patterns with this woman, you can also contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

27 Oct 2009 03:44 PM

Hi Lucinder, the main issue for you here is: "how does your husband feel about this? "If you two are together on this issue then things will be a lot easier. HoOwever, if he too is blinded by your SIL's behavior then that will make things harder for you since you will be on your own against a host of other family members. Let me know where you stand on this, as that will make a huge difference to how you handle this situation. Best wishes, Beth

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:36 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:35 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs hat I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:34 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:33 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:32 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

The Aging Narcissistic Parent (2) - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:29 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Defending Yourself Against the Aging Narcissist (1) - Blog Entry

22 Oct 2009 05:28 PM

Just a reminder to all readers of the narcissism blogs that I have set up a forum specifically for adult children of NPDs. You can find it under "Forums" at my website at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth