Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry04 Jun 2009 06:07 PM Hi Louise, you could try simply telling her at this stage that you would prefer her as a mother to a business partner, and you don't want anything to compromise her important role as your mother. This may confuse her as it will tap into her vanity as a mother figure. If she thinks she is in control she will lay off. If this does not work, you will have to be firm in your boundaries with her and keep saying "no". This will cause problems as she tries to manipulate you but hang on to the idea that it will be easier in the end to not go into any more ventures with her. Family businesses strain families when they are "normal" it's asking for trouble going there with an NPD. Best wishes,Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry04 Jun 2009 06:01 PM Hi Grizelda, those bill of rights are applicable for so many situations in life, but never more for dealing with narcissists. Of course, they will not respect them, but it is important that those who deal with NPDs are aware of them and keep them uppermost in their minds. Best wishes again! Beth The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry31 May 2009 11:20 PM Hi Drew, this is a difficult situation for a 48 year old to deal with let alone an 18 year old. So do not expect too much from yourself and allow yourself to grief, cry, punch a punching bag -- what ever it takes to get you through this acute period. Be angry with God, he can take it. Tell him how you feel about losing your mother and talk to others too. Have you got other family members to talk too? A minister perhaps. Because your mother was your best friend, and your safely net, she has provided you with something you can never lose -- her love and the feeling of being loved and wanted. Many do not have this gift that she has given you. You will be alright, but it will take time. All the feelings you feel are perfectly normal and will persist for some time. This is normal too. Your mother lives on in your heart and in your mind, let her guide you as she always has. She has given you an excellent start in life and I know, in time, you will go on to make her proud. It's early days yet in terms of grieving so be gentle with yourself. Best wishes, Beth Coping with an adult with Asperger's (4) - Blog Entry26 May 2009 05:38 PM Hi Dragonfly, only you know how he might react to being told he might have Asperger's. And of course you can't make him go see a therapist. Yet if he were diagnosed he may then respond to social skills training. This will not "cure" him, just make him able to mix better without looking odd withing the first few minutes of meeting. Maybe you could have a talk to his doctor. S/he can't reveal anything to you of course but if you express your concerns about Asperger's s/he may be able to help you out. Otherwise you will have to take the bull by the horns and talk to him about how you feel. Best wishes, Beth Born-Again Christians a Potential Threat to Mental Health Sufferers (1) - Blog Entry21 May 2009 11:31 PM Yes, Dale, I agree, it's really appalling the ways these people behave. And they can taint the excellent work of other genuine, caring Christians by their actions. But most of all it is sad for the sufferer. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry14 May 2009 07:32 PM Sadly, it is not possible to change a person who is genuinely suffering from NPD, it is a pervasive personality disorder that begins in late adolescence/early adulthood and increases in intensity as old age is reached. The thing to do for family is to accept that there will never be a loving mother and thsi is the hard part since it goes against our nature not to want a loving mother. But accepting the reality of the situation is the key to overcoming the pain and anguish that is created by having a NPD mother. Best wishes, Beth The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry10 May 2009 06:09 PM Hi Lovepoodles, there is often trauma in the early childhood of an NPD sufferer, plus there is some evidence that there is a genetic component to the disorder. But with the latter, it is hard to tease out how much is genes and how much is learning. It is not uncommon for NPD to run in families however. Daughters do seem to cop the worst of the narcissistic rage, but that is more an observation that a hard and fast statistic. The mother is certainly in more direct competition with a daughter than a son and that could be one of the results. Having said that there are other families where one daughter is "selected" to be the scapegoat of the mother while the others are not treated particularly badly. In the latter case, this is usually a factor of the personality of the affected daughter, where the NPD mother senses that this is the one she can have power over and she will take advantage of that situation. It does sound like much of your grieving has been done, particularly as you were aware long ago that your mother had a mental disorder. Hope it stays that way for you! Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry10 May 2009 06:00 PM It is true that a person suffering from NPD looks like an adult, but has the emotional age of about a 4 year old, at best. Remembering this may help you in your dealings with narcissists. Age does not bring maturity in this case! Best wishes, Beth Coping with an adult with Asperger's (4) - Blog Entry10 May 2009 05:50 PM My suggestion to family and friends of people with Aspergers is that it is they who must accept the disorder, not the other way around since the AS person is unlikely to change. On the other hand I have met people with Aspergers, who know that they have it, who are desperately lonely and who come to ask how they can change so as to be more accepted in the workplace and society in general. Hence we are indeed looking at a disorder that forms a spectrum in terms of its acuteness. Because some Aspergers people do respond to specialized counseling, and geneuinely want to change, this might explain why some of the counselors you have come into contact with have made the statements they have. Best wishes, Beth The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry07 May 2009 06:25 PM Hi Lovepoodles, it is possible that you have already gone through the grieving process with your mother long ago and by that I mean accepting that she was not the mother you wanted. Therefore her death is merely a physical formality to the death of the emotional bond between you. On the other hand, her death is so recent that there may be grieving issues that come up later in life for you. Time will tell. Best wishes, Beth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
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