Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry16 Feb 2009 04:41 PM Hi IrishDaddy's Girl, I am so sorry for your loss but please don't expect yourself to be back to normal so soon. It's way too soon. You have just lost your father who you know no life without and it is not realistic to feel any other way than the way that you do. The fact that you loved your father so much will help guide you through this process. Have a read of my other blogs on grief and you will see that it takes at least a year to get back to some sort of equilibrium after the death of a loved one. That doesn't mean you will be crying for a year but it's only been a week for you and you can't just let go of a lifetime relationship in such a short time. In fact if you were functioning well, I would be worried about you! Take it as it comes, cry when you need to to and talk to your siblings and friends about what you feel. Good luck, you will come out of this painful patch. Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry16 Feb 2009 04:09 PM Hi joyfullbride, congratulations on your wedding and also on holding your ground with your mother regarding the guest list. Her behavior is typical NPD and good boundaries are important here. It's also helpful that your fiance can see what is going on. Be aware that you have not created a monster -- your mother needs to take personal responsibility for her behaviors, not you. In regard to your sister, I understand that you don't want to lose her but we cannot control the actions of others and she will make her own mind up about whose "side" she is on. Sure, you can calmly explain the reasons for your wedding guest decision, she may or may not agree. Hopefully she will be able to see that causing all this ruction is not mature behavior. If your sister is copping abuse from your mother than you can offer your support to talk over things with her. Without specifics I can't really give you examples, but it sounds like you have come to grips with the situation as much as you can at the moment and are holding your ground well. Yes, and your mother inviting friends over on what was to be your mother-daughter day was a power play on her part. Best wishes, Beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry12 Feb 2009 04:50 PM Sorry airegin, I can't personally recommend any therapists. Try looking under psychologists in the DC area an question them regarding their experience in dealing with NPD. Best wishes, Beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry29 Jan 2009 05:36 PM Hi Doung, Ha e you spoken to a therapist about your experiences. Getting a third party perspective could be really helpful for you at this stage since you have already physically but not quite emotioanlly detached from your mother. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry26 Jan 2009 04:37 PM Hi Time4e, sounds like you are starting to set those all important boundaries between yourself and your mother. This is great. For continuing peace you will have to do the same with our husband. Try not to worry about your children at this stage, you cannot do everything at once. Reclaiming your life within your marriage is the first step for you. Know that you know what you are dealing with you can observe the pattern of his behavior much more readily. Although he won't change having htis knowledge will help you to come to grips with the situation. Best wishes, Beth Link Between Premature Babies and Mental Illness - Blog Entry26 Jan 2009 04:31 PM Hi There are several links to this research, here is just one of them. Hope this helps. http://www.topnews.in/healthcare/content/-2685scientists-link-premature-births-mental-illness Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry26 Jan 2009 04:26 PM Hi Lake Medium, although the situation is not good, it does sound like you are managing reasonably well. Luckily your husband isn't a great fan of his mothers, that would make it harder to deal with. As she ages, her characteristics will increase and others will see that it is her not you. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry22 Jan 2009 03:36 PM Hi Wolf, this is not an uncommon situation and you can only be true to yourself and not pretend to others that you are distraught. Sounds like you have said goodbye to your mother a long time ago and her actually death is just a formality. However, some extra grief may occur so be prepared for it. It is related to the final reality that you will never get the mother you wanted. If you find you need help down the track, contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry22 Jan 2009 03:30 PM Hi Lake Medium, take comfort in the fact that it is not really you your MIL dislikes, it would be any woman who threatens to take her son's affection. Under all that behavior is an intensely unhappy woman who uses power (and money in your case) to get love. She knows no other way. In some ways she is to be pitied, but you are too close to the situation to be able to do that on a permanent basis. Keep those boundaries up, and minimize contact as best you can without upsetting your marriage. Try to remember that there is nothing you can do to please her, so don't put extra pressure on yourself to change yourself to make her love you. Unfortunately she can't. If you give in, you will get something from her but it is not real love. Best wishes, Beth The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry22 Jan 2009 03:20 PM Hi USAFeyez, when you love parent it is only natural to fear that person's death. In order to make it easier make sure your parent knows you love them long before they die, and you will have left nothing unspoken as nothing is more powerful. When my own parent was dying I made sure I said everything I wanted to say and I also reminded myself that they had also lost their parent and their parent before them. If they could do it, so could I. We all must lose our parents and it is a testimony to your parents that we survive and thrive. You will too. Best wishes, Beth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
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