Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Pornography Addiction: Can It Happen? - Blog Entry11 Jan 2009 12:23 AM HI vgfischer, it's great to hear that you have successfully recovered from your addiction. Your experience in this area would be very valuable to others going through the same process. Thanks for contributing, Beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry11 Jan 2009 12:21 AM Hi Snowberry, helping out a crotchety neighbor did not have a negative effect o you because you had no emotional attachment to them. You could walk away at any time. With your parents you have certain expectations, we all do, and when these are not met, or are even withheld cruelly or they are abusive, naturally it hurts and upsets us. And it is hard to "walk away" as we would with a stranger. Hence the problem of having difficult parents can be a hard one to resolve. The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry10 Jan 2009 04:41 PM Hi Lost in Atlanta, I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your mom. As it happened so recently you are still in a very delicate adjustment period. Try not to focus on the fact that you didn't go over to see her on that last day. Try instead to think about your relationship as a whole, because that is what is was. It was more than just one day. As I have taked about in these blogs on grief, it will take time for you to get pat the death of your mother, yet you are so lucky to have had a mother you loved and were close to. She will still be with you because you two have an unbreakable bond. Every time you think of her she still lives in your heart. Yake comfort but most importantly, take time to gt over this. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry05 Jan 2009 04:10 PM Hi jaleeah, thanks for sharing the story of your grandmother, she certainly was trying to manipulate her family on the night of the party. As long as you are aware of these behaviors you will be able to adjust your own behavior accordingly. Try not to take it on personally, as peopl like your grandmother just want attention. She may no have NPD but just need more love and attention and this is her way of getting it. Could that be the case or do you think it is more seriuos than just feeling lonely on her part? Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry05 Jan 2009 04:07 PM Hi Shezherfavorite, Your mother's behavior regarding your farher's funeral is typical of NPD behavior where she does not see you, only herself. Having htis knowledge now of what your mother is like will allow you to move on into the future -- and a better one. Good luck! Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry05 Jan 2009 04:04 PM Hi pumba, I'm glad you found the site useful and dealing with a narcissistic mother is certainly one of life's great challenges since it occupies your entire lifespan and for much of it you do not know what is going on. Boundaries are very important when dealing with narcissists as is always trying o face the truth of the situation. It is sad that your father is trapped in this sitution yet this is his responsibiity not yours. Realising that your mother cannot and will not change and actually accepting that is a hard one. Acceptance of what seems all wrong in a mother is very hard to deal with. Narcissists are very damaged people and have a deep dislike of themselves underneath all hteir behaviors but they will project that dislike onto others. This is why your mother can often make you feel worthless, she is deflecting her own feelings onto you. Hang onto the truth that you are valuable, and set frim boundaries and try not to get caught up in the circular logic of the NPD sufferer. And keep venting! Best wishes, Beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry05 Jan 2009 03:57 PM Hi Muffin, you are still upset because you are still wanting your mother to be different -- to be a real mother to you instead of the one you have. Pat of recovering from having a NPD mother is learning to let go of expectations and going through the necessary grieving process and anger process of not having the other you needed and deserved. Best wishes, Beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry05 Jan 2009 04:04 AM Hi Snowberry, thi is a tough choice for you and you will need to work at eliminating the guilt that would ensue if you did move. Even if you stay there will still be guilt as you reduce he contact you have with your parents. The aging narcissist is very difficult to deal with and whether you stay or go you need to be prepared for this also. You can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if at any time you need help in resolving this problem. Best wishes, Beth The Aging Narcissistic Parent (2) - Blog Entry05 Jan 2009 03:54 AM Hi Lonely and Isolated, is your therapist aware of the nature of your mother's illness? And have they offered you coping skills to deal with the manipulations of your mother? In order to successfully deal with your mother you will need to set firm boundaries with her and this will be difficult at first and more tantrums will erupt. There is hope to break out of this cycle you are in with your mother, and in reality the power she has over you is really only the power you give her. This notion seems difficult to grasp as sh seems to have so much power but it is the truth. You can lead a happy life and be independent of your mother and her attempts to ruin your love life. You can contact me but ask your existing therapist about setting more effective boundaries with your mother. Thi includes not listening to your sister, as she is buffereted by the distance between her and your mother ans does not have to deal with her on a day to day basis. Best wishes, Beth Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? - Blog Entry31 Dec 2008 09:27 PM Hi Spirit, HPD is most usually applied to females although it doesn't mean that men cannot suffer from it. The violence directed at others is most likely associated with NPD, rather than HPD, the pain of which is ultimately directed inwards. I'm glad that the articles were of help to you. Understanding the situation you are in is the first step in freeing yourself from the web of manipulation that these disorders generate. 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