Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Feeling bad about taking antidepressants? - Blog Entry07 Nov 2008 01:26 PM Hi Memartha, yes the combination of antidepressants and counseling can be a very powerful one! Why My Husband Didn't Force Me to Go to the ER - Blog Entry04 Nov 2008 01:29 PM Hi Court, I'm glad you're ok and still blogging! Stress: Always Look for the Bigger Picture - Blog Entry04 Nov 2008 01:24 PM Wow, Annie, 175 is a fast pulse! It's great that you have used it as an opportunity to change your thinking and therefore your life. None of us are invincible and it comes as a shock to find that we are not. But the important thing is to learn to change and adapt and embrace a better way of living. Best wishes, Beth Adults with Asperger's Disorder - Blog Entry02 Nov 2008 01:35 PM Hi Willow, your son seems to exhibit several indicators of an AS disorder and may have Asperger's. He would require psychological testing by a psychologist or psychiatrist specializing in that area. Perhaps you can talk to the prison psychiatrist about a referral to such a specialist? Although being diagnosed with Asperger's will not affect the way he is perceived in the justice system (there is no mental retardation), it may bring comfort to you to be able to explain his behaviors. There also may be comorbidity (ie. another disorder present with Asperger's) present, but again, that would need to be picked up by a psychologist. Is ADHD the only tag he's been given? Do you see signs of similar behavior patterns in the extended family tree? Best wishes, Beth Walking the Mother-Daughter Tightrope (2) - Blog Entry01 Nov 2008 04:45 PM Hi codependent, without knowing the details of why your daughter is unable to care for herself it's hard for me to comment. Obviously you can't keep bailing her out -- she won't learn to take responsibility for herself, yet you can't let her innocent child suffer. Is there a specific problem with your daughter that keeps her dysfunctional? Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry01 Nov 2008 04:41 PM Hi Modernsky, you are completely within your rights to want to spend time with your husband and new baby -- just a special time for you three to bond. As a new grandmother, your mother would naturally want to see the new baby, yet a mature person can hold out and see the other side of the coin. Of course, if you adored your mother you might even want her at the birth! You certainly don't need this stress at this time, yet after the baby comes you will be tired so it is important to have a plan as to how you will deal with your mother in the coming weeks and months. Can your husband help you out in speaking to her? You are correct in seeing your mother has a deep self-loathing, all narcissists do, yet they must keep that out of their consciousness because it is too painful, obviously, for them to look at. Thus when you set boundaries, your mother will become enraged because her world is, temporarily at least, out of her control. This is unbearable. At some point you will have to deal with your relationship with your mother and detach from her emotionally. This involves a process of grieving and can take quite a while. Perhaps being 34 weeks pregnant is not the time to do it. You need to rest and prepare for the birth. If you would like to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com when you are feeling like you have the head space to work on the issue, we could go from there. Best wishes for the birth! Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry01 Nov 2008 04:09 PM Hi Annette, although this situation is stressful and will continue to be so, I do think that as a family you are handling it well. You will have to weigh up the pros and cons of formally ending the relationship versus keeping them at a controlled distance. As they do not live close by and visits are minimal, the latter might be preferable particularly at your son's age. But again, this would have to be a decision you all agree on. Although you say you feel harsh at times, when people do not respect you and you stand up for yourself that is the first name you will be allotted. If you three stick together, talk and agree on how to handle each situation as it arises, I believe you are doing the best you can without shutting the door completely. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry27 Oct 2008 01:23 PM Hi Annette, there are several things going for you in this situation. The main one is that you, your husband and your son are all aware that there is a problem, and what the problem is. You obviously discuss it as well. The second is that you do not live in close proximity to this couple. Disengaging is ok if no-one feels any guilt about the situation. How is your husband on this issue? If there is guilt, whether there is disengagemnt or not, then counseling would be good. Your son is lucky in that he has not allowed himself to be "adopted" by this couple and manipulated into loving them -- a situation which is quite common. He is of an age too that he will naturally disengage from his grandparents for a time anyway, and it appears that they have not been able to offer him much in terms of emotioanl closeness anyway, therefore after his own personal disengagement process, he is unlikely to wan to go back to them emotionally. Have you and your husband discussed the possibility of not seeing them again and how this would feel? Beth Celebrating Mother's Day When You Don't Like Your Mom - Blog Entry26 Oct 2008 01:40 PM Whatever the reasons that your mother did not value you as a joy and an asset in her life, it certainly doens not therefore imply that you are not valuable and lovable. Children take on the idea that they are unlovable quite easily as they have no life experience to compare it to, bu as an adult, you have the ability to weigh up the value of your mother's opinion as a person and reject the idea that you are a burden to her or to anyone. I'm not surprised you began to withdraw from your mother after that comment, you don't need that level of negativity and dysfunction in your life. I am sorry that you have had to bear the burden of a mother like this. And really the burden is yours, not hers, despite what she might say. Learning to mother yourself, as we all ultimately must do, would assist you to rebuild any feelings of low self-esteem. Best wishes, Beth Hugs and Mental Health - Blog Entry25 Oct 2008 11:42 PM Hi Lostforwords, I agree with everything you say. You can't beat a hug, it sends out so many positive messages - I love you, I'm sorry, I'm thinking of you , I miss you, I forgive you -- the list goes on. Who can live without a hug? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
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