Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry25 May 2011 09:13 PM Hi Helenback, yes sometimes adult children of NPD parents do choose unsuitable partners but they are more likely to choose another narcissist due to familiarity or a person with a problem so they can help them , as they are so used to helping the narcisissist. They may also choose abusive partners because they have high levels of tolerance for abuse. But this is not the criteria I look for when working with adult children od NPDs becasue it is not peculiar to naricissm. Anyone form a dysfunctional background is more likely than acverage to partner up with someone who has maturity problems on some level. NPD is not really like ADHD, and many disorders are mistaken for others, particularly when looking symptoms up on the internet. What might seem to be the answer sometimes is not, that is why it is important to have a professional diagnosis becasue the diagnosis determines the method of interaction with the problem person. If you need help with a diagnosis by proxy you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry25 May 2011 09:04 PM Hi Jeff, your parent does not sound in any way supportive and in fact quite toxic. Contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you need help because it is importatn to get an accuarate diagnosis of NPD to best know how to defend yourself against this person. The behaviors, if it is NPD, increase with age so it is important to get a handle on how to deal with this behavior asap. Best wishes, Beth Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? - Blog Entry25 May 2011 08:52 PM Hi Layla, this is a difficult situation because if your friend does in fact have NPD, he will not attend therapy becasue, in his mind, he won't have a problem. But because there is an element of potential violence in this situation, you may not be dealing with NPD at all, because textbook narcissists are no more violent than the next person. If you are concerned about the welfare of people in his work environment, perhaps you could talk to the CEO or appropriate person about your fears backing them with facts. That is really all you can do and it puts the onus on his superior to look into the situation. There are rukes in workplaces for occupational, health and safety standards to be met and it is the responsibilty of your company to enforce them. Hope this helps, there is not miuch room to move in dealing with this man on a personal basis. Best wishes, Beth Coping with an adult with Asperger's (1) - Blog Entry06 May 2011 03:13 AM Hi Alex, Asperger's does have a genetic component and as such it is beyond your control if, in fact, it's in the family gene pool. Also, as you are aware that there is some similarity between you and your son, it doesn't mean that it actually is there is. Even if there is, the fact that you suspect that you are like your son suggests that you possibly don't have the same problem at all. Your awareness is telling. If you would like further help in determining how to best help your son or look at whether you have the same condition you are welcome to contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry04 May 2011 04:51 PM Hi Lucy, if you read through all my articles on NPD (see link at right) you will find mention of the aging narcissist and the difficulties that come with walking that fine line between being humane and being consumed. It's not easy and each case differs according to circumstances. If you feel you need help in getting out of the sticky web of narcissism you are welcome to contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Having a narcissistic mother is a difficult load to bear but there is a way out if you learn the behavioural patterns that are consistent with the disorder and also learn to change your beliefs that you carry about yourself that were planted from birth by your mother. Best wishes, Beth Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry27 Apr 2011 07:43 PM Hi Learning, thank you for sharing your story -- it is not a pleasant one but so typical of a narcissitic parent. As you have witnessed, the condition has basically destroyed your family as one child was pitted against another and you were assigned the role of scapegoat and blamed for everything, even things you din't know! This is how it manifests, the pattern is predictable but fortunately there is evidence to suggest that this is partially a genetic disorder and so, although it runs through families, it is not always learned, but is part of an inherited personality. It can be caused by a number of reasons, but as you are not a narcissist yourself and your daughter has not lived in the same house as your mother, it is likely to be genetic. So you have not caused your daughter's behavior in terms of NPD. However, as she has had an addiction problem it is possible that she does not have narcissism at all. If you would like to contact me at youronlinecounselor.com and you would like to determine exactly what is causing your daughter's behavior, please feel free to do that.She may have a different condition and that would mean that it would be necessary to take a different stance to how you might deal with your mother. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry23 Apr 2011 04:03 AM Hi Scarlett, it is difficult when you want to go no contact as it also means going no contact with the other parent. Howerver your father has played his part in keeping the dynamics of your family alive and dysfunctional, and before going no contact , if that is what you intend to do , it would be wise to examine your relationship with your father. I have written articles on the effect of the non-NPD parent on the adult child and also the pros and cons of ging no contact with your NPD parent. You can find then under the NPD section at youronlinecouselor.com It might be useful to look at what boundaries you are curently using to try to keep your mother at bay, because it is no good going no contact until you are emotionally ready to because the guilt , sadness and anger that comes along with doing it too prematurely just sets up another problem for you to deal with and you don't need that. Contact me at youronlinecouselor.com if you need help in dealing with both parents and deciding whether going no contact is right for you at this time. Best wishes, Beth When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry23 Apr 2011 03:52 AM Hi Tomorrow looks bright, This si such a complicated situation that I really cannot answer it on a public forum such as this. You first aim is to follow your feelings on this matter with your mother, but it is extremely important that you and your husband act as a team and this is not happening as it could. Thirdly, your daughter is making age-inappropriate statements and this is a worry. I understand that you feel you are fighting this battle alone and it would be good to know why your husband is taking it all so placidly. You need some space right now -- including the Easter break to sostart to sort this out. If you feel counseling with me would help you then please contact me at youronlinecounselor.com If it is certain that your mother is NPD she not a straightforward NPD and the sexual side of the behavior being displayed is not typical of "normal" NPD behavior either. Best wishes, Beth The Relative Effects of Family Members with Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Blog Entry20 Apr 2011 06:36 PM Hi JCAMommy, has your therapist actually diagnosed your MIL with NPD? If this has not been done it is harder to accept the unacceptable -- that your mother can't love your husband because she has a disorder. If your husband would like a diagnosis by proxy you or he can do that by contacting me at youronlinecounselor.com At present your husband is in a state of partial denial, yet he does know there is something wrong but can't actually acknowledge it so he turning that pain onto you whenever a meeting is imminent. This is not fair for you or your family. It is difficult to accept the presence of NPD but nothing can really change permanently until your husband does this. It is also hard for you as you do not need his fear, sadness and anger at his mother to bleed over onto you. If we can get a positive diagnosis for your MIL and get your husband to educate himself about the ramifications of this condition, then you two can be a couple again. Having an unacknowledged narcissist in the family is a marriage involving three people. And as many of my clients claim, it is like serving two masters. Your husband can't do that, he is trying but it's a game he can't win. Best wishes, Beth The Aging Narcissist (3) - Blog Entry06 Apr 2011 06:40 PM Hi rehtaeht, At least you now have an awareness of what you have been dealing with all these years. A narcissistic parent will affect your health and your family, but only if you let them. Have a read of all the articles on NPD on this site and also on my website at youronlinecounselor.com The more you know about the condition the easier it will be to change the way you react to your mother's behaviors. If you need help with the latter, you can always contact me at the above site. Best wishes, Beth 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
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