Beth McHugh's comments

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

05 Sep 2008 05:37 PM

Hi epiphany1, yes, this blog is very much alive and kicking as you can tell by the dates of all the contributors! At last you have a springboard from which to work from to free yourself from the sticky web of the narcissistic mother. I'm sure you have been a much more functional mother to your own daughter, and now is the time to learn to be a wonderful, loving parent to yourself. As you work through the reality of having a narcissist for a mother, there may well be anger and tears as you move through the "letting go" process. But at least you now know what you are dealing with. If you feel you need additional help in dealing with the fallout of having had a narcissistic parent you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

02 Sep 2008 02:48 AM

Hi Caz, glad to be of help!

Can You Miss Your Kids Too Much? - Blog Entry

01 Sep 2008 04:54 PM

Hi Michele and all readers, you might also be interested in big-time "kidsickness", aka the Empty Nest Syndrome! For details on what it is and how to avoid it, check out:

http://mental-health.families.com/blog/the-empty-nest-syndrome-1

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

01 Sep 2008 03:41 PM

Hi julibeth, yes you do have the right not to love your mother. Society has us believe that we must love our mothers, but that would imply that all mothers are lovable, and that is clearly not always the case. Now that your beliefs are starting to change, you will be able to commence a new journey of believing in what you know to be true, not what your mother has imposed on you. Good Luck! Beth

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

31 Aug 2008 10:53 PM

Hi Caz, the self-absorption that forms part of the Asperger make-up is different to the intense narcissism of the sufferer of narcissistic personality disorder. This is one of the reasons why it is so important to be diagnosed by a specialist, because it is easy to read off a list of symptoms on the internet and announce that "Oh, my dad's got that" and it's not a true diagnosis at all. Your husband's self-absorption would fall under the typical symptoms for Asperger's but other symptoms will be present as well. You can read my articles Adults with Asperger's if you haven't already done so. You can find them in the list to the right of this page under Autism and Asperger's Disorder. It is a hard journey for you, especially when your husband will not seek help. Does he accept that he has Asperger's? Have you sought out support groups for family members of Asperger's ? You might find the latter helpful in dealing with the depression that often accompanies being married to an Asperger sufferer. You can also contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you need additional help. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

30 Aug 2008 08:48 PM

Hi needtoknow, each person's case is so different even though the dynamics of NPD are grossly similar, that I really can't easily answer this in the scope of this forum. There are many possibilities to weigh up - whether certain members of your family wish to be in contact with you, skills you need to cope with your mother if you do decide to do that. There will also be a torrent of emotions regarding your mother to deal with, and while you are in the process of dealing with them, you will find yourself sensitized to her behaviors. You also have to accept the fact that not only can't you change your mother, but you also cannot change your sister or father or other siblings. You can only change yourself. It's hard, but not impossible! You can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you feel you need individual help in coping with the dynamics of NPD. Best wishes, Beth

Is Artistic Genius an Excuse? - Blog Entry

30 Aug 2008 04:51 PM

Hi Dale, now I'll have to do an article on the established link between actual genius and mental illness! For those that aren't clinically ill, yet very talented, it must be a fine line to tread between pursuing your talent and being a parent. I know Margaret Ollie claims that is the reason she never had children. At a more everyday level, it's even hard for a woman to juggle her talent as a surgeon or barrister perhaps, with parenting. Sounds like it was a good play!

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

29 Aug 2008 04:41 PM

Hi intothelight, no you cannot carry the weight of the world alone. However, the problem is that the abuse of your half-brother is mostly emotional which, while it is as potent as physical abuse, is less tangible and thus more difficult to prove. In time, D will start to act up in class if he isn't doing so already. You could approach both his teacher and the principal about the problems at home. Although his parents may deny all you say, it is still best that you speak up for this little boy who cannot speak for himself. Although you believe you need to step back to maintain your own equilibrium, you may also need to feel satisfied that you have done all in your power to help your brother. There may also be incidences of neglect that could be reported to child protection services in your area. I don't know enough about the situation. It may also be important for D to have some contact with you in his life so that he can see that not all his family are unstable. However, the latter would have to be your choice because only you know how much of this treatment you can put up with. You can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you need further assistance. Best wishes, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

29 Aug 2008 04:26 PM

Hi julibeth, this is a difficult problem that many adult children of narcissists experience and it's compounded by the fact that, as an only child, you have no-one to share the burden of your mother's care and behaviors with. Seeing your mother once a month is perfectly fine if that is what you want. For that matter, seeing her once every six months is also ok. The problem is that having both a compassionate nature and weak boundaries will make it hard for your to change the pattern you are in, especially as mum is wanting more. Have you read my articles on the aging narcissist? You may find them helpful to your situation. It is important for your emotional wellbeing that you learn to set firm boundaries with your mother as your resentment will build over time. Also the process of saying goodbye to the possibility of ever having the mother you always wanted and deserved will bring up feelings of sadness and anger, but this is a necessary process in order to detach enough to set and maintain boundaries without the stress of the guilt that otherwise comes along for the ride. If you would like help in dealing with the situation you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

28 Aug 2008 03:41 PM

Hi Heartfelt, therapy is one of those things that you can't make another person do. They have to want to do it for themselves, and even then the person may not be ready for it. When a situation is long-standing, as this one seems to be, the sister can suggest counseling if she hasn't already. She could also try setting boundaries that she won't listen to endless problems or bail her sister out unless she agrees to go to therapy. She could also offer to pay for one session in the hope that would get the ball rolling. Without knowing what is preventing your friend from seeking help to change her life, it is difficult to really say. Sometimes people have to really hit rock bottom before they realize that they need a helping hand. It's very frustrating for those around them. All you can do is wait and hope. Not much comfort I know, but your friend is seeking love in all the wrong places due in part to her upbringing, and hopefully with therapy she will one day come to love herself as she deserves. Best wishes, Beth