Beth McHugh's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

21 Aug 2008 12:31 AM

Hi coming2terms, thanks for your comments, I'm glad you found the articles useful. In terms of setting boundaries with your mother, it really is important to know whether she has bipolar or NPD, the latter requires a different approach to boundary setting, and so an accurate diagnosis is really required. Unfortunately the typical narcissist never seeks therapy and so the nearest one can get is really a diagnosis by proxy. Your mother would have to not only fulfill the diagnostic criteria for NPD but your own reactions to her would also be taken into account. If you are really dealing with NPD, rather than bipolar or even BPD, you will experience difficulties in setting boundaries as the narcissist will continually ignore both them and you. So it is not really a simple case of setting boundaries as you would with other difficult people. I am currently in the process of writing a book on dealing with narcissists, but that is of no use to you at the moment! I am doing this because I am finding that there is a lack of practical books available. Even with the aid of a book, true narcissists can be so destructive that their adult children can have emotional disorders of their own to deal with. If you feel you would benefit from additional help you are welcome to contact me at http://youronlinecounsleor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

20 Aug 2008 06:28 PM

Hi Freebird, this forum doesn't really allow me the scope to deal in depth with the problems you are experiencing with your son. You are very welcome to contact me at my website which I listed in the previous posting to you. Kind regards, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

19 Aug 2008 11:17 PM

Hi Stillsuffering, I'm glad my article was able to help you, you might also like to look at the articles on dealing with the aging narcissist if you haven't already done so. No, narcissistic mothers don't favor their sons, but it is not uncommon for them to idealize one child and demonize the other. It is the one who does most for them who will be demonized, while the other gets away with everything. This aspect is not exclusive to NPD however, but often seems to come along for the ride just to make your life even more frustrating and difficult! Because your mother lives with you, it is important for your mental wellbeing to be able to set and keep healthy boudaries with your mother, something that is extremely difficult to do with a narcissist but important for you to learn for sanity's sake. Your mother's behaviors sound highly manipulative and self-absorbed and, unless one has experience in dealing with narcissists, it is very difficult for others to understand the constant demands and the emotional roller coaster associated with dealing with them. You are welcome to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you need additional help in dealing with this emotionally exhausting and thankless situation. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

19 Aug 2008 11:07 PM

HI Freebird, what sort of behaviors does your son exhibit that has resulted in a label of "loosely Asperger's?" Like all autistic spectrum disorders, Asperger's is a pervasive developmental disorder and is present from birth, regardless of the age at which it is diagnosed. As children with Asperger's do not display the more marked behavioral patterns of the autistic child, diagnosis can come later in life, even in adulthood. See my blogs on Asperger's disorder which are located on the right hand side of this page. In contrast, NPD is a personality disorder, and is not diagnosed until young adulthood.

While AS disorders, particularly autism, can now be detected in changes in the structural brain of sufferers, personality disorders are different in that they are not caused by physical changes in the brain. They are caused by a variety of circumstances which occur during the life of the developing child. There are based on thoughts and belief patterns. While there can be a degree of self-absorption present in both conditions, the cause of this self absorption is for different reasons, plus there are additional criteria needed to be satisfied to be diagnosed with either condition. If you would like further assistance you are welcome to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

The Empty Nest Syndrome (5) - Blog Entry

15 Aug 2008 06:03 PM

Hi Lori, while many mothers greet the departure of their adult children with a sigh of relief, there are many who go through what effectively is a period of mourning. It's important to know too that it is both normal and ok to express that grief, which ultimately helps to defuse the "lost" feeling. Thanks for the comment! Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

15 Aug 2008 12:04 AM

Hi Jakeupgeese, as with any emotional disorder there are variations in degrees of narcissism, which can also include sadistic traits, as you have experienced. Some people do become quite upset that this condition is called narcissistic personalty disorder as if the term "disorder" somehow downgrades the damage caused to those who are subjected to the effects of a narcissist, or that their behavior is somehow excused because they are "sick". No therapist would convey that, and certainly no narcissist would suggest that, because as you would appreciate, narcissists are perfect and could never be "sick" in any form. However, as with any psychiatric illness, the APA tags all conditions with the suffix "disorder". Hence, borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, etc. Of course, no mere name can convey the pain and suffering that accompanies any of these disorders. Rage is also a common outcome of having suffered at the hands of a narcissistic parent, particularly a mother. It's great that you have been able to seek the help you needed to allow you to physically extract yourself from the toxic environment that your mother has produced.

The Perils of Pornography-Part One - Blog Entry

11 Aug 2008 03:29 PM

Hi Tristi and readers, for a social and psychological slant on pornography addiction, you can read my blog in Mental Health entitled Pornography Addiction: Can it happen? at http://mental-health.families.com/blog/pornography-addiction-can-it-happen

There are also further tips on handling teenagers viewing porn. The above blog contains links to these articles as well.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

10 Aug 2008 04:21 PM

Adult children of narcissistic parents commonly question themselves as to whether they are narcissists too as they are sensitized to selfish behaviors due to their upbringing. However, if a victim of a narcissist asks this question it is usually an indication that they themselves are not narcissists as narcissism essentially involves an inability to be objective about one's own behavior. There seems to be a genetic/learned behavior aspect to narcissism and it sometimes runs in families, but it is highly unlikely that all your siblings are narcissists. Your reluctance to hug your son is not a sign of NPD, merely an indication of the lack of physical affection in your birth family. The fact that you can rectify the situation and understand that it is important to do so is again is an indication of the lack of narcissism in your own make-up. Hope this helps, Beth

Stress: How much is too much? - Blog Entry

08 Aug 2008 05:09 PM

Hi Court, stress can really creep up on you if it is caused by a series of smaller events rather than one obvious one. It can really take people unawares and suddenly you can feel rundown and overwhelmed. Take it easy and enjoy some Courtney-time!

My Dad Wants to Attend My Mom's Funeral - Blog Entry

07 Aug 2008 09:51 PM

Sorry to hear of your Mom's death and now the difficulties with your sister. Unfortunately this latter scenario is not uncommon. Your Dad sounds like he still thinks fondly of your mom, which is comforting after all they have gone through. Hugs to you at this time.