Beth McHugh's comments

Saying Good-bye and Good Luck - Blog Entry

07 Aug 2008 07:28 PM

Hi Miriam, thank you for your lovely goodbye letter and your well-wishes to all your readers. You have made such a positive contribution to Families. I have learned more about the LDS faith through your blogs and I wish you a happy future with your family. Best wishes, Beth

Why it can be hard to lose a parent you dislike (2) - Blog Entry

07 Aug 2008 03:51 PM

Hi Courtney, thanks for your lovely comment. I'm glad you found it helpful.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

02 Aug 2008 04:44 PM

Hi Homayoun, it is common for any person to look to their partner to "make-up" for what was lacking in their parental relationship. If your husband's mother truly suffers from narcissistic personality disorder then he will be more in need of love and empathy than the average person. His desire to have a partner who just "knows " what he wants is understandable given his possible upbringing, but unrealistic in reality. The fact that he feels you never loved him is another possible indication that he has felt unloved all his life. At least he can express this to you, it is possible that he has never been able to express this to his mother. I'm sure you love him, otherwise you wouldn't be writing to me. Would he be willing to read the articles on Dealing with a narcissistic mother? He may begin to see the light, or he may stay in denial as regards the relationship he has with his mother. Th reality for him though is that this pattern will repeat itself with any woman he becomes involved with, as no wife can, nor should, be a substitute for a mother who couldn't love. I hope this helps. You can contact me if you feel you need to. Best wishes, Beth.

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

01 Aug 2008 03:16 AM

Hi sc62049, I sounds like you have been successful at quite an early age at working out what your grandmother was up to. Even now, as she becomes older and tries to increase her influence over you and others, you are resisting. Well done!

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

01 Aug 2008 03:12 AM

Hi Stillontherun, it would be good if we could change your title to "Stoppedrunningatlast!". Seriously, you have done most of the hard work involved in setting up healthy boundaries with your mother, it is the guilt of doing so you now have to conquer. It can be done! You have let go of the hope that your mother will change and that is always the biggest stumbling block in these situations. All I can do is to suggest that you keep on doing what you are doing. I understand the exhaustion involved in keeping up the fences, so if you need help at examining why you still hold certain beliefs that are bringing you guilt then you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Coping with an adult with Asperger's (4) - Blog Entry

31 Jul 2008 02:08 AM

Hi Dodgy, it's not a superficial question at all, but it's not one to be easily answered. Not for anyone, Asperger's or not. First, are you certain of the diagnosis? Second, it is not helpful to be at AA meetings and be rejected as being aloof and superficial when you have limits to what you can do, as we all do. Have you told the group you have Asperger's? Some people will not accept it anyway but others will. Remember, those who matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter. I know it's hurtful, especially when your family won't accept you. This is more about them than you, especially if you are trying your best. Have you undergone any social skills therapy and how long have you had your diagnosis for? I look forward to your answers or you can answer me off this public forum at enquiries@youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

A Blue Home May Make You Lose Weight - Blog Entry

30 Jul 2008 10:59 PM

Colors do have an effect on mood, and the psychology of color is used even in prisons. But in terms of eating, red is the most common color used in restaurants and it's there for a reason!

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

30 Jul 2008 05:19 PM

Hi Still on the Run, I'm sorry to hear that you feel you are "still on the run" yet I fully understand the pressure that you feel you are under to be a compassionate human being and yet looking after yourself so you don't go back into the emotional horror of living with a full-blown aging narcissistic mother. Yes, you will have to ignore comments both from your mother and well-meaning but essentially naive outsiders who do not understand what it is like to have such a mother. Any spare bedroom on your house becomes both a potential target of residence for your mother and a potential "room of guilt" for you as you try to keep those hard-earned boundaries up. But keep reading as much as you can on the disorder; at times when you feel weak or guilty, remind yourself that you don't have to love your mother because not all mothers are lovable. I'm glad my articles have been helpful to you and be strong! If you need additional help you can always contact me, but you sound like you have the situation in hand. Best wishes, Beth

When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

30 Jul 2008 05:08 PM

Hi Rosem, your mother is sounding increasingly like the traditional narcissist. Many parents worry about the effects of this type of behavior on their children but as long as you provide a relatively healthy template for your children, then the effects of this type of behavior are not so acute as her influence would have had on you as a child. Obtaining a clinical diagnosis by proxy would also be helpful to both your girls and yourself in knowing just exactly what you are dealing with. You can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com for further assistance regarding this issue. Best wishes, Beth

The Aging Narcissistic Parent (1) - Blog Entry

30 Jul 2008 04:57 PM

Hi again, Rosem, as narcissists age, so the narcissism increases. These scenarios you describe do sound like typical narcissistic tendencies, and whether she has full-blown NPD or not, she certainly sounds like an emotionally manipulative person. So feelings of guilt, anger, rage and sadness will likely be familiar to you. I wouldn't worry too much about the ladies in the room with her, but you would certainly benefit from learning to set healthy boundaries with your mother in order for you to have peace. Contact me if you need to. Best wishes, Beth