Beth McHugh's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

16 Jun 2008 04:00 PM

Hi Freebird, your 11 year old won't really appreciate the full extent and ramifications of this personality disorder. However, he is probably already aware that your mother can be selfish and manipulative and he will have experience of that up to a certain point from his own life in the playground. Does he enjoy being with your mother? You are cautious to ensure supervised visits, at least until he is older and able to fend for himself. If he asks why he doesn't see grandma alone, you can explain in simple terms that grandma has a tendency make a lot of demands on people and that it is preferable if those demands are handled by an adult. Of course, that doesn't mean you give into your mother's demands! If you should need additional help with this situation, you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Coping with an adult with Asperger's (3) - Blog Entry

16 Jun 2008 03:47 PM

No problem, Kendermouse. I'm glad the articles on Asperger's were of some help to you. Best wishes, Beth

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

16 Jun 2008 03:44 PM

Hi Butterfly, I'm so glad you were able to be comforted by this article. Yes, people in general do expect you to just "snap out of it" but life isn't like that. I'm planning some articles shortly on the subject of death and just how long it can take to get over grief from a realistic point of view. If you want to be sure to catch it, simply click on the Subscribe to Mental Health link in the column to the right. You'll be sent an email and you won't miss out. Best wishes, Beth

Are you pulling the plug on life? - Blog Entry

15 Jun 2008 11:16 PM

That's great, Dale!

The Secret to Enjoying Life - Blog Entry

15 Jun 2008 05:27 PM

Hi trying2bmanofGod, you might enjoy my blog on looking at how people lose the joy in their lives. You can find it at:

http://mental-health.families.com/blog/are-you-pulling-the-plug-on-life

Best wishes, Beth

What Do People Expect from Counseling? (2) - Blog Entry

12 Jun 2008 11:56 PM

Thanks, therapy is hard work and those who undertake it and come through the other side are heroes!

Madonna's Vindictive Brother Turns Anger into $$$ - Blog Entry

12 Jun 2008 05:38 PM

Reminds me once again of just how much more damaging family can be than complete strangers! Keep us posted, Michele!

When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist - Blog Entry

12 Jun 2008 03:52 PM

Hi jskinner, as in your own case with your grandmother, your daughters have you and your husband as a buffer between them and your narcissistic mother. Despite their frequent contact, you are the principal source of love and affection, not her. I would not classify a sufferer of NPD as stuck in the 2-year-old stage either, that is more classical Freudian theory, but would place them with the emotional and intimacy capabilities of an older child, though not as high as a 7th grader. The best you can do for your daughter who is entering the threshold of puberty is to set very clear boundaries for her and stay firm. Adolescence is a difficult time for all parents to cope with, and I would give the same advice to any parent, not just you. Because of your background, you will have a tendency to see a narcissist behind every tree, but that is normal. There is a suggestion of a genetic link in some cases of NPD, hence the need for firm boundaries. Personality disorders in general develop during adolescence and the early adult years, but you have powerful behavior-shaping tools at your disposal. Luckily you have discovered the presence of NPD in your mother, so you are aware of the behaviors. As a child of a narcissistic mother, you may also have made a resolution never to treat your own children like you were treated, and this can result in a pendulum effect, whereby you actually give your children too much "love". This can cause problems with the children, however rectifying this situation if it is present is relatively simple compared with dealing with a narcissistic mother. I hope this helps. You can always contact me for further assistance. Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

12 Jun 2008 03:36 PM

Hi Annie, I have treated a number of clients who have been in a "fallen through the cracks" scenario, whereby their therapists have failed to recognize that the mother of their client is suffering from NPD, and from that the client's problems have generated. In fact, many clients have told me that they have been told they have a "mother complex", implying that they (the client) are the root of the problem. Although adult children of narcissist parents can and do have emotional problems of their own, these problems are by nature treatable, unlike those of the full-blown narcissist. And naturally these adult children are obsessed to a point with the narcissistic parent - the damage can have life-altering effects on the adult child. So firstly, there is a general failure in many cases to recognize the presence of NPD. Secondly, NPD can exist with or without a sadistic side strand. Not all sadists are narcissists. There also appears to be a genetic link involving NPD, a topic I am currently undertaking research into. I know of at least three cases where sadistic tendencies in one parent coupled with narcissism in the other parent combined to form a child with sadistic and narcissistic tendencies. The remainder of the offspring in these families were unaffected by these disorders and yet suffered enormously due to the presence of both the dysfunctional parents and the older sibling. There is a reluctance by society and individuals in general to not acknowledge acts of sadism amongst women, especially when it is not of a criminal nature. There is a social myth that all mothers are lovable. Clearly this is not so, and it is a "rule" that my clients who have narcissistic mothers must address as part of their recovery process. Hope this helps! Beth

Coping with an adult with Asperger's (3) - Blog Entry

11 Jun 2008 04:27 PM

Hi Kendermouse, firstly your partner will not be able to comprehend your mood changes, particularly any manic or hypomanic phases, and will likely switch off. There will be a diminished ability to establish a deep emotional bond, and there will be little or no emotional feedback. There may be difficulties in interpersonal bonding, such as touching, hugging, and even eye contact may be restricted. In your verbal interactions, speak in a simple and clear manner. There is no intellectual retardation associated with Asperger's disorder, but there is a restricted ability to understand puns, metaphors, even sarcasm as most statements are taken literally. This can make for many misunderstandings. However it is the lack of emotional connection and understanding of social rules that usually causes the most difficulties in relationships. Hope this helps, for professional assistance you can contact me at http://yourolinecounselor.com