Beth McHugh's comments

Forgiving Your Narcissistic Parent - Blog Entry

05 Apr 2011 11:00 PM

Hi Divastyles, good luck with your prayer meeting! Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

31 Mar 2011 04:37 PM

Hi Refreshing one, I do understand it would be particularly difficult for you to go no contact with your mother in a family-centred culture such as yours. However, it is not necessary to go no contact as sometimes this does cause more problems than it is worth. However, in order to claim your self worth and personal power back it would be necessary for you to learn how to set firm boundaries with your mother, plus learn the patterns of this particular disorder. It may also be necessary to move so that you can have friends without her attempting to come between you. If you need help you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com In the meantime , reading all my articles on NPD on this site and on youronlinecounselor.com will help you to learn more plus read how others have had to deal with what you are currently trying to work with. It can be overcome. Best wishes, Beth

Narcissism-Symptoms and Treatment (1) - Blog Entry

31 Mar 2011 03:46 PM

Hi Whatisreal, your mother does display some of the classic signs of narcissistic personality disorder but it would be necessary for a diagnosis by proxy to be undertaken before it is possible to decide how best to deal with the situation. As true narcissists will rarely go to counselling becaue in their minds there si nothing wrong with them, a diagnosis by proxy is required. Make sure your counbsellor is skilled in NPD, as I have had many clients who had had therapy only to be told they have a "mother fixation", and the real problem goes unrecognised. If you woudkl like a diagnosis by proxy done you can contact me at youronlinecounselor,com In the meantime, if you read all my articles on this site and on youronlinecounselor.com you will learn more about the condition which is a requirement of extracting yourself from the pain of being an adult child of a narcissistic parent. Good luck with it! Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

26 Mar 2011 06:05 PM

Hi Azchic, the pain your mother is causing you is very intense, not only because it is hurtful for a mother to be doing such a thing to her daughter but you have still got certain expectations of your mother and when she does these things, they hurt deeply, more deeply than they need to. Despite the boundaries you have already set (good on you!) some of these are physical. The boundaries that really count are the emotional ones, because when your mother steamrolls them, they are the ones that are daggers in the soul. Get an attorney to help you withthe legals but if you need help in brealking the emotions links that still are present and causing pain, you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com and we can look at where your beliefs systems, sown by your mother, are holding you back. Good luck with the legal part, after your childhood you deserve an adult life of peace. Best wishes. Beth

The experience of losing a parent - Blog Entry

20 Mar 2011 03:56 PM

Hi jp, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Death is always a surreal expereince whether you are present or absent, or the person is old or young. It is normal for you now to be in a state of shock and disbelief, and then to suddenly start crying again. Whne you go back home you will be faced with more emotions, but there is no need to be "strong" especially not for others. Just be you. If you need to cry, then cry. This will help in your recovery from the shock of your father's death. Going home will be a good thing in the long run as it will make it all the more real and this is what you need to face. Be gentle with yourself -- it takes a minimum of 12 months to even start to get over the loss of a loved one. This does not mean that you will be sad and cryying for that time frame, merely that it takes a while to get through all the anniversaries and for the brain to register that that person is not around anymore. And in the theme of being gentle, try not to be hard on yourself by wishign your parents' marriage had been any other way. Or that your fatherhad no time to set up a new life. These things are all beyond our control. You have been a good daughter to your parents, you loved them and they loved you. At the end of the day, that is the best outcome for any family. In the future you will have all these happy memories to think about -- in the meantime you must make preparations for the funeral and meet up with your mother and relatives who will be able to comfort you and you them. If you need help with grief counseling contact me at youronlinecounselor.com but I believe you will be ok. You have support and time will hopefully take away the raw pain and leave you with happy memories of the way your father loved you. Best wishes and condolences, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

16 Mar 2011 07:09 PM

Hi Sotagurl, Thanks for sharing your story, it does help to know you are not alone in having a mother like you do. If you haven't done so try reading my articles on htsi site on NPD and also on my website at youronlinecounselor.com The more you know about the condition the easier and faster you will be able to extricate yourself and also arm yourlself against the barbs. I have an additional forum on NPD and other topics on my website where you can read others comments and my own. Good luck with resisting the temptation to not go crawling back. This is a natural feeling and you may take some time to be able to resist it -- after all , we all want our mothers to love us. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

09 Mar 2011 04:08 PM

Hi Happiness, you have little choice in the long run but to follow what your instincts tell you to do. It is terribly hard to go no contact forever but it is also terrible hard to be abused all you life. It is alos dificult when others don't understand and think you are overreacting to your mother's behviors. From what you say she sounds quite a self-absorbed woman -- I cannot ethically say much more than that, but she is definitely trying to manipulate through guilt and if you know that she will ruin your weddign, then go with what you feel to be the best for you. As this is all relatively new for you, you may suffer bouts of guilt. It wiull then be necessary for you to look at the bigger picture to reoriente and ground yourself into how your mother really is. The fact that you have forgiven your father is also really excellent. As for you sister, well, time will tell there, But she will be less of a problem to you than your mother as that tie is less strong. Best of luck with it all. Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

05 Mar 2011 06:24 PM

Hi Flowerbox, Thank you for sharing your story with us. Being the adult child of a narcissist, which is the stage of life when one actually has a chance of finding out exactly what is wrong with your parent, is a painful one. You have the additional pain of not only having that unsupportive parent, but having to give up your baby because of something that you could have had no idea what was going on at the time. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this alone without being aboe to see the full picture. Like many others, it is incredibly difficult to have a narcisisitic parent, especially when others simply cannot understand. At least you are getting some recognition from your extended family. I have written many articles on this condition, there is one on the pros and cons of going no contact. Just click on the link to NPD on the RHS of this page. If you decide to go this way, it must be done for the right reasons, otherwise you can be adding the burden of guilt onto your already heavy load. Contact me at youronlinecounselor.com if you feel counselling sessions would be helpful to you. But good luck in your endeavour to keep your own power and remember, work hard on those boundaries in the meantime!

Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

05 Mar 2011 04:48 PM

Hi Sushilover, Yes! Hold firmly to those boundaries and good on your husband for helping you with this difficult situation. As least you have an ally at home who you can talk to. The easiest way to be able to keep those boundaries up and running is to challenge the false beliefs that your mother would have instilled in you from early childhood. Plus if you have the samllest hope that she will change and love you the way you deserve, that will serve as an enormous hook keeping you an emotional prisoner . These and other hooks individual to each person is what keeps you waiting and hoping and also frustrated with the cavalier way in which she treats you. Telling you she was "busy" is simply one of the ways she tries to control you. And of, course, while you are genuine, she cannot put herself aside and listen to you in your letter but merely tells you all the ways in which you are wrong. If you need help in eliminating your own personal false beleifs that you carry from childhood, then you are very welcome to contact me at youronline counselor.com In the meantime reading up on the disorder will give you more knowledge of how this disorder manifests and ways to help armour yourself against the behaviors you encounter. You can read more articles on this website and on my own.

Best wishes, Beth

Depression: The myth of "Chemical Imbalance" - Blog Entry

03 Mar 2011 04:46 PM

Hi Lilypad, I agree with you wholeheartedly about the cruel and uninformed comments that people make about all forms of mental illness. If it were that simple, everone would "pull their socks up". No-one would chose to be in emotional pain and those who criticise the sufferer actually have a problem themselves --most commonly an inability to cope with situatons that they cannot and will not understand. It also shows a supreme lack of empathy -- again not a positive trait in a person. As for your sudden development of depression with no seeming cause, I note that it coincides with the years that encompass puberty, and low progesterone levels are famous for causing anxiety and depression. This can occur even if periods are regular. One can only speculate now about what happened to you at 14, but I have found that many of my clients who suffer from anxiety and depression benefit from natural progesterone cream and no longer need antidepressants. You may want to have a look at the work of Dr John Lee who pioneered this work. Best wishes,

Beth