Beth McHugh's comments

Walking the Mother-Daughter Tightrope (3) - Blog Entry

20 Mar 2008 04:59 PM

Lea, have you talked to your daughter about her plans if the contraception fails? Many young (and not so young) women believe that the pill is 100% reliable. You could ask her what plans she and her boyfriend have put in place if a pregnancy arose. You could couch it in terms of putting you and your husband's minds at ease that she has everything under control in that area, rather than a hostile enquiry. In other words, be matter of fact about it, since it is a very real possibility.

Meet a Families.com Blogger - Beth McHugh! - Blog Entry

20 Mar 2008 01:27 AM

Hi Courtney and Tristi, I only discovered this blog today by chance! Thanks for the interview Tristi and that's for the lovely comment, Courtney. I'm glad you get distracted!

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member - Blog Entry

19 Mar 2008 05:24 PM

Hi Maia, having a close family member who is a narcissist can be very damaging and hurtful. There are two positive aspects to this situation however. One is that it is a sibling rather than a parent with the condition which is much less destructive. The other is that you have worked out that your brother is possibly a narcissist and can take steps to protect yourself. If you feel that you would benefit by talking about the situation, please feel free to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Walking the Mother-Daughter Tightrope (3) - Blog Entry

19 Mar 2008 04:44 PM

Hi Lea, it is hard for me to comment on individual cases, because each case is different. Also this is a public forum and I don't want to get highly specific here. If your daughter is behaving in sexual ways while you are in the house, you are likely correct in thinking that they will go to the next step. At least there is a strong possibility that that will happen. You are wise to have taken your daughter to the doctors for further education and to obtain contraception. This is being practical and realistic. However, you are still entitled to state your opinion about the matter to your daughter. You are entitled to set rules for what behaviors are tolerated in your own home. Obviously you are aware that if you ban the boy from your home they will go elsewhere. Have you asked your daughter what she thinks are the benefits of having sex now versus the benefits of having sex at a later time? Hear her out and allow her to talk even if you think what she is saying is wrong. You will achieve more if you keep the lines of communication open. Stay friends as much as you are able. It is a difficult situation, and one that many parents face. Has she spoken to her father about how she is feeling? What is his opinion? As to rolling back the dating rule, you could take time to think about it, rather than automatically act on it the day she turns 16. Age is not a determinant of maturity, so you can be flexible with this. If you would like to discuss the situation in more depth and require further assistance you can contact me at http/youronlinecounselor.com

Walking the Mother-Daughter Tightrope (3) - Blog Entry

18 Mar 2008 11:17 PM

Hi Lea, maybe the next article in the series will shed some more light on the subject. You can find it at http://mental-health.families.com/blog/walking-the-mother-daughter-tightrope-4

When dealing with underage sex, legalities come into the equation and that is something you need to talk to your daughter about. Despite the fact that teenagers think they know everything and certainly will tell you words to that effect, it is surprising sometimes to find enormous gaps in their information base. I certainly wouldn't encourage underage sex, because the younger a person is who engages in sex, the less they know about the emotional ramifications involved. How do you know for sure that your daughter and her BF would have sex unless you were there? The bottom line is that, no matter what rules you put in place, you can't stop two kids determined to have sex. That is why I always advocate talking to your sons and daughters from a very young age about these issues. It seems that you have done this. You are entitled to your opinion on this issue and to voice it to your daughter. Your daughter may not necessarily agree however. It is a very difficult period for parents to got through and many times you are left in the position of hoping that somewhere all your words of wisdom and careful respectful listening come to the fore.

Walking the Mother-Daughter Tightrope (3) - Blog Entry

15 Mar 2008 07:06 PM

Three generations of mothers and daughters who are friends....great work! Parents want their children to respect them but it cuts both ways....parents need to respect their growing child's boundaries. Then great friendships can be born.

Adults with Asperger's Disorder - Blog Entry

09 Mar 2008 02:51 PM

Hi self diagnosed male, for a formal diagnosis of Asperger's to be made, the person must display a constellation of symptoms, not just one or two. It is up to you as to whether you decide a diagnosis is worth it to you personally, although it is not particularly time-consuming. Possibly of more importance is the value a diagnosis may have for your partner. Also, as AS disorders carry a heavy genetic bias, the information could also be relevant for any children you may have so that early intervention strategies can be instigated. A diagnosis can also be useful when looking at extended family members, who may also suffer from the disorder, and therefore explain many difficult relationships within the family tree. Should you decide to go ahead, please feel free to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Treatment Options - Blog Entry

06 Mar 2008 11:53 PM

To help you I would really need to know the nature of the trauma that set off the symptoms, the nature of the symptoms, ie. what triggers the panic, how long you have suffered from PTSD, etc. You can contact me for assistance at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you feel you are getting nowhere with your present therapist. You need both strategies to assist with the panic attacks, plus examining the belief systems underlying the trauma you have suffered. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

06 Mar 2008 02:57 PM

Hi Unafraid, Dr. Peck's book was first published in 1983 and outlined particular cases involving people which he delineates as "evil." By contrast, the US Psychiatric Association Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (aka DSM-IV-TR) gives a more defined outline of what exactly constitutes NPD. You can find the outlined characteristics here:

http://mental-health.families.com/blog/narcissismsymptoms-and-treatment-1

Excessive spending is not a recognized characteristic, although spending on certain items may occur in which to maintain a particular image, but it is not required for diagnosis. Narcissists are noted for their inability for self-assessment, therefore it is unlikely that a true narcissist would genuinely be concerned that they were a narcissist. Unless, of course, they were trying to draw attention to themselves by posing this question, but it would not be genuine nor would it be acted upon if the consensus was an overwhelming "yes." I cannot comment on either your parents or your husband's actions with your daughter's shoes. I do not have enough information. NPD, like any mental illness, is characterized by a constellation of symptoms which must be present before a diagnosis can be made. The latter behavior is only one event that could be explained by many reasons, not necessarily NPD or even a mental illness. Hope this helps.

Adults with Asperger's Disorder - Blog Entry

02 Mar 2008 03:07 PM

Hi Ineedahug, it does sound like your husband displays some characteristics of Asperger's disorder, but there are numerous symptoms which must be present for a formal diagnosis. I have a special interest in adults with Asperger's and understand the sense of frustration and isolation that inevitably accompanies attempts at relationships. If your husband has Asperger's then both of you will need to acknowledge and adjust to the presence of the condition. If you would like a professional diagnosis you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth