Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry27 Feb 2008 09:54 PM Hi Unafraid, To answer your main question about children of NPD parents marrying narcissists: yes, this is possible since the new relationship feels familiar to the birth family relationship and is therefore attractive in its familiarity. This is similar to the pattern with alcoholism. Your mother's NPD was almost certainly caused by her own background, unfortunately narcissists are one of the most unlikely groups to ever seek counseling, so the destruction continues on to future generations. You have done so well to stand up to your mother and your husband, and you clearly recognize many aspects of the disorder. Yes, you will be lonely, yet the reality is that one can never have a close relationship with a narcissist. Part of you will have known that all your life, even though you would have likely tried to resist acknowledging it. If you feel you would benefit from counseling about your mother and birth family, don't hesitate to contact me at http://youronlinecounsleor.com Living with a Person with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - Blog Entry27 Feb 2008 02:19 PM Hi Larry, it's wonderful that your wife was able to overcome her fear of germs and go back to leading a normal life. In this case, the cause was clear-cut , and therefore it was relatively easier to pinpoint and work on this problem, which was a type of germ phobia. Fortunately specific phobias such as this one are far easier to treat than classic OCD which can have deep, unconscious problems at its roots. Nevertheless, true OCD can also be treated with therapy. But as you say, communication between partners is essential. I hope you and your wife are happy again after her upsetting trauma. You look like you are! Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry24 Feb 2008 02:29 PM Hi Siofra, as with most disorders there are degrees of dysfunction, and narcissism is no different. It can range in milder forms as malign indifference to the offspring through to cruelty and sexual abuse as you have described. It seems possible that your own mother could have been a victim of her father, which has then precipitated the development of her personality disorder. Narcissistic mothers may abuse verbally, emotionally and physically, and as you say, sexually by proxy. They would derive pleasure from humiliation and an intense feeling of power and control, which they crave. Narcissists almost never seek treatment, and even if forced to by other family members, the therapy will stall as no responsibility will be taken for their actions. Hence most of what we know about narcissistic individuals comes from observation, rather than one-on-one study. Narcissists also do not understand the concept of personal boundaries, hence there is little empathy for your feelings and therefore your brother's behavior would not be checked by her. Narcissism can also be generational, where there is one is a family tree, there may well be others. If you feel you would like assistance in dealing with the pain associated with your mother's narcissism please don't hesitate to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com More great sleep habits - Blog Entry22 Feb 2008 02:31 PM Aromatherapy scents are very useful for inducing a state of relaxation which in turn promotes sleep. Try rosewood, and the old favourite, lavender. Adult Reactions to Beauty in Babies - Blog Entry14 Feb 2008 01:55 PM Our concept of beauty is actually based on characteristics of a baby's face proportions, in particular, high foreheads and large eyes, which are both typical baby features. Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry13 Feb 2008 10:54 PM Hi Vanessa, I'm glad my articles have been helpful to you. Postpartum depression is real and is not a sign of weakness or incompetence and I's so pleased that you are getting the help you need. Have you thought of trying natural progesterone cream to help with mood? This is prescribed by a doctor and made by hand by a pharmacist and can be very helpful with depression/crying/feelings of being overwhelmed. Any books by Dr John Lee, a pioneer in this area, are worth reading. I hope your daughter has a happy 1st birthday! Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry11 Feb 2008 10:17 PM Dear Jan's Daughter, I understand completely why you want your mother to love you, because we all want and need our mothers to do so. If your mother truly has NPD, there is much acceptance and grieving to go through on your part. If you feel that I can be of assistance to you in emotionally breaking free from the pain your mother has caused, you are most welcome to contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry11 Feb 2008 03:15 PM Hi ConfusedFlower, it certainly is not fair to be the child of a narcissistic parent. As a narcissist ages, the condition worsens as it becomes harder and harder to maintain the aura of perfection. Narcissists also lave their children with an often profound sense of low self worth, yet this is all a result of their own lack of self esteem. Unfortunately as children, we can't know that our parent is mentally ill, and the illusion of superiority and perfection also throws others off the scent. You have done well to separate physically from your father, plus your realization that he will not change. I hope you are able to heal the scars he inflicted during your childhood. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry07 Feb 2008 02:44 PM Hi Achingforlove, One of the problems that adult children of narcissists encounter is that they have a poor set of boundaries, as the narcissistic parent is unable to teach this fundamental life skill to their children as they have no boundaries themselves. Learning to set healthy boundaries against your mother, siblings and even other people will allow you to feel more in control of the situation. There is also much grief and anger to deal with as you slowly go thorough the therapeutic process of detaching yourself emotionally from a narcissistic parent. Unfortunately there is no single key to stepping out of this situation. Although the illness is the same, each mother is different and each child reacts differently to that mother. You can see that for yourself in the way your own family has unofficial made you the family scapegoat. Again, this is not uncommon in dysfunctional families, and is something that you will need to address for your own sake in order to achieve peace. Sorry there is no magic bullet, and therapy takes time. Even never seeing the offending parent again does not equal emotional peace, because the emotional ties and damage remain even if the physical presence is gone. I do encourage my clients to act of this type of situation prior to the death of the parent too, as even death does not guarantee escape. It sounds difficult! It is, yet there are ways to work through the pain of being the adult child of a narcissist that do have happy endings. Best wishes, Beth Babies and Dreaming - Blog Entry03 Feb 2008 07:30 PM Hi Kristin, There is also evidence to suggest that dreaming starts in the womb, which would make sense according to this theory. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
|
