Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: EverythingArticles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage - Blog Entry16 Nov 2007 02:37 PM This article is primarily about the confusion experienced by both new parents that post-partum depression causes. Where there is no prior experience of depression, it is often hard to tease out exactly what is going on until the condition is quite advanced. An obnoxious male partner may well be a cause for depression, but that is independent of PPD. It is not uncommon for postpartum mothers to believe the partnership is over as they feel "nothing" for their partner. This article simply urges those suffering from postpartum depression to wait until the depression is well managed before making any life-changing decisions about important issues. When a mother is suffering PPD, rational thinking is often one of the temporary casualties. "Christian" Healing and Mental Health (3) - Blog Entry11 Nov 2007 04:00 PM Angie, this is not only sad but cruel. Yes, why would anyone say this to grieving parents? To suggest that a child died because someone in the family was evil IS evil. This is exactly the type of case I am talking about. I hope these parents did not take on that guilt, because in their vulnerable state they are more likely too. I personally know of a man who did this sort of behavior. That is, until he got cancer himself. To his credit, he did publicly announce that he had been so very wrong. He died too, but he died peacefully, a changed man. Finding a Good Therapist - Blog Entry11 Nov 2007 03:54 PM The point here is that the "best," or recommended counselor, is not necessarily the best counselor for you. You may not like the surgeon who is going to operate on your gall bladder, but it doesn't really matter. If s/he's efficient at their job, you put up with their unpleasant quirks knowing you're getting a good technician and a positive outcome. With counseling it's different, as I stated about. As it's such a personal relationship, the choice in counselor must be up to the individual, not others hearsay. While a friend or colleague can recommend a skilled counselor, if there is no bond between you, therapy will stall. "Christian" Healing and Mental Health (3) - Blog Entry10 Nov 2007 02:16 PM Glad that your surgery went so well, Janet. My point in writing this series was to illustrate just how harmful some people can be, all in the name of Christianity. I hear you about having to buy more crystals, herbs etc, but to be "rejected" by God in the form of these harmful people, really was often the last straw to these sick people. Many of them cried and said that God didn't love them, and it was the worst rejection of all. All I could do was try to reinforce that these people were not God, nor were they loving. They were grossly misinformed as to the nature of the mental illness and took matters into their own hands. One poor man committed suicide. Obviously that was not the fault of the "Christians," but the incident he went through with them was a contributing factor to his final act. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry09 Nov 2007 08:48 PM Oh dear, it is so irresponsible to give you medication for this situation since you are behaving in a completely normal way to the situation you find yourself in with your mother. I'm sorry that you had to go through that terrible experience. I'm a psychologist not a psychiatrist so I wouldn't be giving you drugs that send you into hospital and I wouldn't be minimizing the damage that narcissistic people, mothers in particular, can do to their children. I would look at the beliefs you have about your mother, and attempt to address the justifiable pain and anger, but then look at ways to change YOU, since we cannot change your mother. Once you change the way you see your mother, and express the pain she has caused you, you will be able to think about, talk about and and even deal with your mother in a healthier way. I am not saying it is easy. It isn't, as you have to face certain truths about your mother. The reality is, though, that you have known these truths deep down since you were a little girl. It is not facing them that is causing the pain. Contact me if you think we could work together. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry09 Nov 2007 02:57 PM Hi Sharlamay, it really concerns me that you are in so much pain regarding your mother and the need to please her. As your mother gets older the trap will spring tighter so it's very important for you to seek help so that you will be better able to cope when that time comes. Life is very hard to deal with when you're on this side of the narcissistic trap and coming out on the other side brings so much freedom that you will look back and wonder why you once felt so trapped and angry at your mother. However there is also so much pain and heartbreak for children of narcissists that it can seem a daunting task. It can be a hard time getting through the therapy but it's worth it. As I mentioned in a previous comment I have written numerous articles on NPD since there is not a lot of practical guides available. Besides everyone's situation is different. Reading the articles will start to give you an insight into just what you are up against. I have tried deleting your comment as well, with no success. BTW, the fact that your half-brother and your stepdad both permit your mother's behavior is not unusual under the circumstances. They have chosen, either consciously or unconsciously, not to rock the boat. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry08 Nov 2007 02:29 PM Hi Sharlamay, books can be helpful in that they successfully describe the characteristics of a narcissist, but they often lack the practical side of how to deal with all the manipulation and abuse that comes with the condition. And we wouldn't want any child of a narcissistic parent to end up like David Helfgott, he didn't really survive the ordeal too well as unfortunately he had a mental disorder of his own! I understand perfectly how you can feel both love and hate toward your mother and it is this ambiguity that causes you to remain in the painful position you are in. We have many messages given to us as children that we should love our parents and how they should love us in return and part of the problem is the false set of beliefs we have about our narcissistic parents. People can, and do, get out of this situation intact and go on to live happier lives. That is not to say that tere is no scar, only that the scar is healed over and not being constantly ripped open. Please contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com if you feel you need some guidance getting through the difficult aging process of your mother which intensifies the narcissism. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry08 Nov 2007 02:19 PM Hi Sarah444, it's great to hear that you have managed to establish a life away from your mother. There are not really a lot of "how to" books on dealing with narcissistic parents. Most are more fact and diagnosis based. That is why I have written so many articles on the condition, as it is a difficult life problem to deal with. The reality is that each case is different as children of a narcissistic parent are at different stages of recovery and the parent may be at varying levels of narcissism. As narcissists age, they become even more difficult and more of a challenge. This is because the adult child may have so many unresolved feelings about their mother, ranging from rage to wanting love (surely it will come at the end of life?) There is also the difficult issue of how to be humane to your aging mother without getting sucked into her vortex of pain and abuse. If you think I could be of assistance to you please don't hesitate to contact me at http://youronlinecouselor.com The Guilt of Sexual Assault - Blog Entry07 Nov 2007 06:52 PM When a woman is raped or sexually assaulted, she has not "done something bad." It is the perpetrator who has committed a crime. 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