Beth McHugh's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

22 Feb 2011 12:16 AM

Dear Azchic, This is such a painful story but not an uncommon one, sadly. Your mother seems to have sadistic tendencies in addition to her likely NPD, hence the levels to which she stoops to regain control. I'm sorry this has ruined your marriage, to think that this woman has manipulated the situation to that extent. But again, this is not uncommon. You need to set firm boundaries with your mother. You will find this difficult but it is not impossible and you also need to learn boundaries so that you can, by showing and demonstrating by your actions, teach your daughter how to deal with her grandmother. This is essential. Read all my aarticles on NPD , the more you know about it the better. There is a pattern to learn that will help you to deal better with your mother. If you think I can help you in therapy plesae contact me at youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

16 Feb 2011 12:45 AM

Hi Ncat, Well if you get stuck in the disconnection or grieving process, you can always contact me at youronlinecounselor.com and get rid of the specter once and for all. And lucky you, having an ever-suffering husband!What a treasure! Thanks for your comments. Best, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

14 Feb 2011 03:53 PM

Hi Ncat6, glad you enjoyed the articles , there are more to read if you click on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is so hard to make a choice between having a family for the sake of having a family or choosing to leave a toxic one. It's really a no win situation so you have to pick the one that causes you the least pain. This varies from person to person. Some cannot go no contact as it causes more problems than staying-- others must go. Like you wanting to be fostered out, some children of NPD parents have an overwhelming desire to go to boarding school, just to get away from the toxic hurtful environment. I'm so glad you found a wonderful husband and are no longer under the regime of your father, but of course the pain and loss is still there and it does get lonely. You pay a high price for peace with this disorder.

Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

09 Feb 2011 01:08 AM

yes, over on the right hand side of this page is a list of psychological problems in alphabetical order that I have written. Just click on Narcissitic Personality Disorder and you will find them all.

Best, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

09 Feb 2011 12:40 AM

Hi incredulous, congratulations on your upcoming wedding and your determination to do it "your way". Havign a NPD father when you are a female is a differnt experience to the mother-daughter dynamic but nevertheless painful. Now tha tyou recognise what you are dealing with, it will be easier to handle him but basically he will ablways attempt to cause you grief. Thatis his nature. You job is to set up firm boundaries for yourself to minimise both his power over you and the pain he is capable of causing. If you need help doign so you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com but also read the other articles I have written on this topic as the more you know about this condition, the easier is it to see the pattern and change your own role in that pattern. Best wishes, Beth

"I'm a Bad Mother!" - Blog Entry

25 Jan 2011 01:12 AM

Hi Areader, you are not a bad mother. Perhaps you have been too "good " a mother and by that I mean you have devoted yourself to your son and tried to make him happy to the point that he expects to be treated like a prince and you have kept giving. Then he doesn't respect you, you keep trying to please ann so the cycle continues. I don't knwo what has happened here because I don't have enough information, but you are not the onlty mother who has raised a child who does not respect his mother. That doesn't make you a bad mother, though. Perhaps you are not skilled at setting boundaries and perhaps the best thing for you is that you and your son do have some space apart soon. If you need help, despite all your counseling, you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com You deserve to be respected and some chance at happiness. You are very welcome to have another try. Best wishes, Beth

Your First Christmas without Your Loved One - Blog Entry

23 Jan 2011 03:45 PM

Hi Kate, Changing your expectations and therefore the mood of the day is the key. Then, as you say, there was no comparison to previous Chrismasses. For all readers,, there are other articles on coping with death , you can find them by clicking oon th elink above called Coping with Death. In those articles I talk about the pros and cons of keeping things the same and remembering or missing loved ones, or changing it all aroujnd and doing things differently. Either way, things are never the same, but we learn, not to forget, but to accept. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

22 Jan 2011 04:54 PM

Hi Richvilleblaze, it's great you have at last discovered what could be the reason you have suffered at your mother's hands. If you find CBT doesn't work for you, you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com . One of my specialities is dealing with adult children of NPD parents and I don't use CBT, I find it is better to address the root of the problem. CBT is useful when the problem is the client, but if you are dealing with NPD, the problem is not the client, it is the parent. I work with belief systems that, in the case of an NPD parent, were sown in childhood and look at assisting the client to challenge and erase those beliefs. There is also grief and hope that has to be let go of, and this is also part of the healing process. If you find the anger, sadness, sense of worthlessness, frustration and any other negative emotion does not go away after you start therapy you are welcome to contact me. In the meanwhile, you can read all my articles on this site as the more you know about the disorder the easier it is to go through the difficult process of disengaging emotionally from the person who theoretically should love you best.

Best, wishes,

Beth

Living with a Person with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - Blog Entry

20 Jan 2011 03:33 PM

Hi Stu, yes years of stress do certainly take their toll and yours is not the first time I have heard of a story similar to this, whereby a seemingly well partner suddenly collapses in some way and becomes ill. I am concerned that your wife may have an additional condition to OCD as you have focussed more in your post on her verbal behaviors rather than the typical OCD behaviors of checking, worrying and having specific routines that must be adhered to. There is no need for secrecy now between you, especially now that the OCD is out in the open. It is possible that she has one of several personality disorders. As you have been left out of therapy at present, it is now difficult for you to find out more. The therapist is bound by confidentiality to not talk to you but they are certainly not focussing on the quality of the marriage. If I can be of help please contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

16 Jan 2011 03:55 PM

Good on you for standing your ground with your mother. Yes, life is definitely too short to associated with those who can hurt you the most and can never change, even if they are your mother. Best wishes, Beth