Beth McHugh's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

24 Jun 2010 05:22 PM

No problems, Angeldancer. You have allies now that you didn't have, yet it is still hard to go no contact until you have changed your belief system about yourself, your mother andn the way she has taught you to view the world. I think this event has been a godsend for you...make the best of it for you. If you need help to deal with the outfall, you are welcome to contact me. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

22 Jun 2010 04:17 PM

Hi Angel dancer, you are in a very common situation as an adult child of a narcissitic mother, especially the part where you have been deserted by your brother and everything falls onto you. You are at a time in your life when many of your responsibilities are gone and you can have your own life to do as you wish except you happen to have both a narcissistic mother and a caring conscious. But as your mother ages, she will get worse and place further demands on you if you let her. As for your new found relative, try keeping on with contact as though nothing has happened. Don't let your mother take everything from you, even a new relative. It's important that you learn to set boundaries with your mother and as you no longer have a need for her approval anymore, then this will be easier for you to do so. Your brother will not help so it is time for you to make changes as your mother will never change and you may have to go through a greiving process as part of that action of letting go, but it will be worth it to finally be your own person. If you need help in this process you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

17 Jun 2010 01:44 AM

Hi Belynn, Beth here. I am the writer of all these articles on NPD and I am a psychologist who specialized in helping adult children of NPDs to cope. You are not without hope, but your mother has brainwartched you to beleive that. Believe me, she has not taken away your soul. I know that because you are angry. The anger shows that you know you have been violated and you don't like it -- you hate it. You are very much intact psychologically despite your mother's attempts to take your personhood away from you. At 45 you are young, ironically it is the median age that people work out that this is actually what is wrong with their parent. If you would like help in dealing with this situation you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

17 Jun 2010 01:01 AM

Hi make the hurting stop, yes, the name says it all and haven't your whole family done a number on you. I understand that you are in a position that you feel you can't leave your mother and are just waiting for the inevitable. However, if you were to die tomorrow (heaven forbid!) your siblings would have to step in and do something. You are not without power in this situation. Setting boundaries with both your mother and your siblings would be very helpful to you so that you do not feel at the whim of others, in particular your mother. Best wishes, Beth

Having a Sibling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Blog Entry

17 Jun 2010 12:43 AM

Hi Paul, We can't control anyone, we can only change ourselves. And trying to alter the way your brother and father and mother act is just too much for you to take on. Narcissists are extremely difficult to deal with, as you know, and it sounds like your parents are in denial. All you can do is perhaps give your parents access to information on the disorder if you haven't already done so, but after that, your job is done. You can't change your parents. I know it is hurtful to see your brother take advantage of them but they have to take responsibity for themselves -- thay are adults just as you are. Look after and encourage your brother's children as best you can, but it sounds like you have done all you can and at the end of the day, your parents have created their own fate in terms of your brother. If you are a good son to them, you have done all you can be humanly expected to do. Contact me if you need further help at youronlinecounselor.com but your goal is to actually separate from looking after your parents' wellbeing when it comes to your brother. You have no control over that at all. It's an awful situation, I know. Best wishes, Beth

Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? - Blog Entry

10 Jun 2010 11:22 PM

Hi Sari, I'm glad the articles have helped you to understand how people with NPD function. But you are not really disposable, you are a real and valuable person. This man's perception of you is distorted from his own problems, not yours. Hope things work out for you in this situation. Best wishes. Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

10 Jun 2010 03:38 AM

Hi Sunset, congratulations on making headway with your therapy and moving towards a better future.

I'd like to comment on the process of going "no contact" with a narcissistic parent in a general sense, because you have brought the topic up and it is an interesting one. Just as there are varying levels of narcissism, there are varying levels of the effects it has had on the adult children of NPDs. Also different people have different personalites, some are quite pragmatic, others more sentimental. Some people find that going no contact is best of them, others cannot do it becasue it actually makes them worse. Hence better ways have to be found to deal with the narcissist. One other important factor to note is that is is unethical for a therapist to tell a client to go no contact -- this must be a decision for the client alone. Gee, I may as well write a blog on this one as it is a complex and confusing issue, as if NPD wasn't confusing enough! Thanks for your story and feedback! Best, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

09 Jun 2010 01:37 AM

Hi James, Thanks for sharing your story. You are very young to be having to deal with a narcissitic mother on your own, yet all the readers here have had to do the same. Your great advantage is that you have worked out that something is not quite as it is should be with your mother (it may not necessarily be NPD, you will need a professional for a proper diagnosis) but you recognise that something is wrong. Is there a relative, perhaps your father who can initiate therapy either for your or famuly therpay for all of you so that you will be able to see that this probelm is not all about you, and that there is a problem with your mother's behavior. Can you talk to your father about this? Best wishes, Beth

Having a Sibling with Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Blog Entry

09 Jun 2010 01:30 AM

Hi Josie, Thanks for your comment and hope that you can successfully put down firm boundaries. There will be fireworks but it will be worth it in the end. Best wishes, Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother - Blog Entry

02 Jun 2010 04:49 PM

Hi Craig, My first recommendation, and one I make to all clients with a narcissitic parent, is that they read all my articles on the condition which can be found under Narcissistic Personality Disorder on this website. This will give you a greater understanding of the condition, which is necessary to recover from the effects of having a narcissistic parent. However, I can't recommend any books on the subject because books by their very nature offer information but not a means of recovery. The latter is individual to each client and people come to therapy at various stages of entrapment. Even though you have physically separated from your mother you still carry the thinking and belief systems that she instilled in you all your life and that is why you continue to experience the effects of her influence. This is what needs to be identified, because it is different for each client, and then challenged and diffused in order to obtain peace. This is where therapy may become necessary as the client cannot see past their own beliefs because they were planted at such a young age that they do not question them. I work on discovering and challenging those belief patterns. Contact me if you need to. Best wishes, Beth