Beth McHugh's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother

25 Sep 2011 06:38 PM

Hi MSears, it's always complicated working with a narcissitic mother and I suggest you read all my articles on this disorder (if you haven't done so already) and learn as much as you can about it. Then if you wish you can contact me for a session or sessions in dealing with the inevitable unpleasantness that will erupt once your mother grasps that her power base is windign down. This is intolerable to a narcissist and you certainly will no longer be the golden child! Your mother will likely directly or indiorectly attack you and your husband as you are now the enemy and she may also attempt to play off your daughter against you. However, she is buffered by you and the damage your mother can inflict is far less than she inflicted on you. If you need help, contact me at youronlinecounselor.com or just Google Beth McHugh. Best wishes, Beth

The Relative Effects of Family Members with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

25 Sep 2011 06:31 PM

Hi MumofJoe, once yousort out the important thing in your life (husband, Joe) you'll be better able to stick to your future and not look backwards to the past (your birth family). Ig your mother doesn't get it, then that is her problem to deal with. Know yourslef, know your own truth and your life will improve. Try not to direct too much energy to your sister, she will take it but not appreciate it. But your husband and son hopefully will! Best wishes and any problems contact me at youronlinecounselor.com or simply Google Beth McHugh psychologist. Best wishes, Beth

The Relative Effects of Family Members with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

05 Sep 2011 06:03 PM

Hi MumofJoe, you can't help her. She may or may not have narcissistic personality disorder, that would require a diagnosis but she certainly sounds like she has the makings of some sort of personality disorder. She also shows OCD tendencies but again, you would need a diagnosis by proxy for definite proof. If she has NPD there is really nothing anyone, even a therapist can do for her. The OCD yes, but not the NPD. As she has no respect for you and likely anyone, she can only do you harm. If and when she calls for help you can decide to be there for her but she would need the assistance of a therapist and if she does have NPD she will never seek therapy as they believe everyone else has the problem. I'm so glad you have a little boy to focus on -- he is your future. Best wishes, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother

02 Sep 2011 01:38 AM

Hi Lilnesbomb, it does soumd like your mother has narcisssitic traits and the contradiction that she treats her boyfriend better than you is that he controls her whereas she controls you (at present). People with NPD have extremely low self esteem, not that you woul ever guess from their behaviour but they cannot admit it even to themselves, so it is hidden to the point that they believe themselves to be better than others and/or are jealous of others who they perceive to be better than them in some way. It's great that you have worked out that there is something wrong with your mother, it may be NPD or it may be another personality disorder. If you need assistance in dealing with your mother contact me at enquiries at youronlinecounselor.com or simpley Google Beth McHugh and narcissistic personality disorder. It's important that you are dealing with the right ondition and learn to set healthy boundaries so that the damge she wreaks is minimised. Best wishes, Beth

Taboo Subjects: Pornography and Suicide

29 Aug 2011 07:53 PM

Love your comment, Havah. Yes, were these people there when they were needed? Did they turn away? Did they tell the prosn to pull up their socks? While no one can stop a person intent on suicide, the latter comment is so common that it adds insult to injury. If a person knew how to pull up their socks, why wouldn't they. There is a lot of ignorance about suicide in the community. Plus it is still a hidden topic and so the cycle continues. Best wishes, Beth

Preparing Yourself for the Death of a Parent

29 Aug 2011 07:49 PM

Maurine, this is so right. Death is difficult enough to deal with without walking into a minefield of legal and family difficulties over possessions. Best, as you say, to prepare and sort it all out prior to your own death so that you do not leave a legacy of tears and fights. Unfortunately, many people do not want to face their own deaths and so we have a large proportion of the population dying intestate. Best wishes, Beth

The experience of losing a parent

24 Aug 2011 05:15 PM

Hi Lienke, I am sorry to hear that you have lost your mother so young in life. Although society expects people to get over a death at an unreasonable rate, it takes a minimum of 12 months just to get through all the anniversaries that you would normally celebrate. You have only just reached the minimum time and so it is expected that you would still be grieving your mother. So it is normal that you are feeling this way. Plus you also have to cope with a replacement in your father's life for your mother. Again, this is not easy and that is why you can't look at thsi woman. You are both sad and angry, and this is the best you can manage at present. It is excellent that you recognize that your father's new partner has done nothing wrong. Could you write her a short note explaining that you are still grieving your mother and that you are finding it difficult to adapt? Or perhaps mention it to your father if she is too hard to face. You can contact me for help at youronlinecounselor.com if you would like help with the grieving process but if you can let this woman know that you need a little more time to adjust, this will take that load off you. Go easy on yourself, you will always miss your mother but it won't always be so painful. Be assured there is nothing wrong with you. Best wishes, Beth

The Aging Narcissist: What Happened to Elinor?

24 Aug 2011 03:50 AM

Hi Tony, thanks for sharing your experience with your family life. People handle situations differently and there are different degrees of narcissistic personality disorder and so different levels to which a person is affected. Mother-daughter situations, with the mother being the primary caregiver and a narcissist as well, have the potential to do the most damage. As a therapist I don't agree with your comment about people only listening for money(!), I only know that I derive great satisfaction from watching an adult child of a narcissist move from being completely controlled by their parent and feeling trapped and helpless, to being able to be themselves for the first time, and understand the mechnism of narcissism and how to take back their own power for the first time in their lives. This can happen at any age, from 20s to clients in their 60s, with an aging narcissistic parent in their 80s ofr 90s. If it's causing pain, it needs addressing. Sometimes it's too hard to "move on" and this can also be a unacceptable statment to those who labour under the harsh yoke of an NPD parent. Best wishes, Beth

Forgiving Your Narcissistic Parent

17 Aug 2011 10:37 PM

Hi Angel, from what you say you have actually done most of the hard part of separating physically form your morher and accepting that she will never change or love you like you deserve, The latter is the hard part. Her religious beliefs will also be twisted inn a way that serves her, not her Lord. If you woudl like help in snipping the final cords which involved looking at you rbeliefs systems about yourself and your mother then contact me at youronlinecounselor.com or simply google Beth McHugh and you will find me. This is a situation that you can get out of and you have already made considerable progress, it's the guilt and the grief that has yet to come. But intellectually you are quite aware of what she is doign and that is a good start. Best wishes, Beth

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Diagnostic Criteria

17 Aug 2011 02:07 AM

Hi Kylie, Thanks for supplying this article. If you read my profuile you will see that I am not a huge fan of drugs. Essential at times but basically a band aid. That is why I work on getting to the root of the problem so that medication can eitherbe dispensed with or reduced. It masks, and while that can give breathign space, it doesn't solve the problem.

Best wishes, Beth