Beth McHugh's commentsComments On: Everything Articles Blogs Journals Photos created by: EveryoneBeth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother19 Jan 2009 10:09 PM Hi Grizelda, good luck with it and let us know how it goes. Everything you say is very normal, let me reassure you, even if it is painful. If you need extra help down the track you can also contact me on http://youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth Postpartum depression: Effects on the marriage18 Jan 2009 04:47 PM Hi Confuseddmc, perhaps having some space will help resolve things both for you and your wife. She may see things in a different light with you away and change her mind. Alternatively you may do so too, and realize your happiness lies elsewhere. Obviously things were not going to change as they were, so moving he goalposts can only have a beneficial long term effect for both of you. Your child will also benefit in the long term from happier parents, whether you are together or apart. I wish you well with it.,Beth When Your Child's Grandparent is a Narcissist18 Jan 2009 04:42 PM Hi Onwards, because you have spoken the truth and they cannot handle it, you have been ostrasized. Also thy will try to shame you to get you to toe the party line again so that the status quo is returned. It is sad for your son to miss out on grandparents yet you must decide whether the quality of the grandparents is worth you going back into the fold. Best wishes to you and your little boy. Beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother18 Jan 2009 04:38 PM Hi Foreign3R, at least now you know exactly what you are dealing with and with knowledge comes power. As I keep saying, boundaries are so important when dealing with narcissists, and the firmer you can be with her, the happier you will be There will unfortunately be an interim period where she will make your life even more hell, and may even disown you, this the price all adult children of NPDs must pay. Best wishes, beth Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother18 Jan 2009 04:33 PM Hi Grizelda, Your mother won't understand if you explain about boundaries, and even if she did, she would just get angry. If you want to have a civil relationship with her you will have to find that you are busy at lot and have other commitments. Yes, she will blacken your name to the staff of the home she is in, but they will pretty soon work her out. The important thing is that you and your family survive the onslaught of your mother. You will never be able to satisfy her even if you devoted your life to her, she would still have a complaint. You need to be very clear about her condition and the boundaries between you and her and then it wont matter to you what "the neighbors" say about you because you will know the truth. Best wishes, Beth Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother15 Jan 2009 07:46 PM Hi Get it at 61, when your mother is genuinely ill it will become difficult becaue on the one hand, you want to be humane and on the other you don't want to be trapped back into it all. This is all normal stuff though, so don't be hard on yourself. Try to establish what you are prepared to do so as to minimize the guilt and yet set those boundaries so that you don't lose yourself. If you feel yourself becoming angry, that is your indicator that it's gone too far. Best wishes, Beth Coping with an adult with Asperger's (4)15 Jan 2009 07:15 PM Hi Little j, I don't have the scope here in this comment forum to talk about the possible difficulties in relationships with both adults and children of Asperger sufferers. Have yo thought about seeing a counselor who specializes in this disorder? They will be able to guide you personally through social skills training which will help you develop better relationships with your family and friends. Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother15 Jan 2009 05:41 PM Hi Lulea, setting firm boundaries is the key to sanity in dealing with NPDs but even then it is never easy. Having the meal once a month sounds like a good boundary to stick to. No matter what you do she will try to manipulate you if you keep giving in so the thing to try hard to do is not to give in. This comes at a price however, because you run the risk of rejection by her. Therapy would help if you find it hard to deal with down the track. You will need to give up the hope of her changing or of being the mother you deserved. You will also have to make the decision how much , if any, contact you have with her. If you study her ways like a science project you will become familiar with the way she works and that oo may help you to see that it's not you, it's her and therfoe learn to expect the unreasonable behaviors that she will exhibit as part of the condition. Hope this helps, Beht Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism?15 Jan 2009 05:33 PM Hi Bewildered, unfortunately there is not a lot you can do. Although your DIL affects the extended family, it is the marriage that is the focal point and until your son decides for himself that he oes not like the way hos wife is behaving there is not much you can do. The power lies with him. You husband and daughter have also made ther decisions too. You must be feelings very lonely in all this and frustrated. While you cannot do much at her functions, you can still set firm boundaries for behaviors in your own home. However there is thin line as to how much you can say to your son as his firs response will be to turn on you and defend his choice of wife. He needs to do that for his ego's sake. Time may change the situation plus you need to be in contact so as to see your grandchild. Support your son as much as you can, he will need it if she truly does have a full blown case of NPD. Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member15 Jan 2009 05:23 PM Hi Caged Spirit, first of all you are not a narcissist! Narissists don't question whether they could be narcissists, hence you are not one, although many adult children of narcissists believe they could be simply by wanting and asking for things that are perfectly reasonable. Tey have been trined that way by the parent. The other personality traits you mention fit in with the traits of a child of a narcissist. You will need to set strong boundaries and it doesn't matter if your father doesn't knwo what they are, he will work it out when he hears the word "no". You will also need to let go of the idea of having a loving father that you deserve, and deal with the grief of not having a real loving father. The other thing is that he will never change if he is, in fact, a real narcissist. These are all difficult concepts to get your head around and will take time. If you find down the track that you need help you can contact me at http://youronlinecounselor.com 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 |
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