Beth McHugh's comments

Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother

01 Jun 2010 04:01 PM

Hi Craig, thanks for sharing your story. Yes, those behaviors of your mother's have a name but unfortunately the condition is relatively rare and thus little known and adult children of narcissists are usually into their 30s, 40s and even 50s before they discover that not only is their parent not normal, but they have a psychiatric condition. By then, a lot of damage has understandably happened to the family and anyone else, such as emplyees, who come under the influence of a person suffering from NPD. At this point, there is no cure for your mother and your brother's death is such a tragedy and your mother's reaction appalling but typical. I can understand your feelings about watching your mother self destruct but I hope you are able to separate emotionally from her so that this apsect or any other doesn't consume your own life and affect your relationship with others. If you feel counsling would help you are welcome to contact me at youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

The experience of losing a parent

19 May 2010 08:41 PM

Hi lgurkin, the article is alive and well and the experience of loss through death never changes. I am so sorry that your father has died. What you are expereincing is not only normal grief but the "orphan syndrome". This phenomenon occurs at any age, even in your 60s and occurs when the last parent dies and you effectivley become an orphan, even though we associate that term with children. This is why you feel helpless and childlike again. But this is normal, and in time it will diminish. It sounds like your relationship with your parents was a happy one, and happy relationships are easier to get over than unhappy ones as there is no unfinished business to deal with. Cry when you need to and talk to your mom and dad quietly, talk to your friends, find ones who will let you talk about how you feel. The pain is awful, but your love for your parents will see you through. Best wishes, Beth

The experience of losing a parent

19 May 2010 08:41 PM

Hi lgurkin, the article is alive and well and the experience of loss through death never changes. I am so sorry that your father has died. What you are expereincing is not only normal grief but the "orphan syndrome". This phenomenon occurs at any age, even in your 60s and occurs when the last parent dies and you effectivley become an orphan, even though we associate that term with children. This is why you feel helpless and childlike again. But this is normal, and in time it will diminish. It sounds like your relationship with your parents was a happy one, and happy relationships are easier to get over than unhappy ones as there is no unfinished business to deal with. Cry when you need to and talk to your mom and dad quietly, talk to your friends, find ones who will let you talk about how you feel. The pain is awful, but your love for your parents will see you through. Best wishes, Beth

Walking the Mother-Daughter Tightrope (4)

17 May 2010 03:30 PM

Hi Debbie, This is not an uncommon situation, hence the article. You realise that your mother will help you out in any situation -- what a mother to have! And yet you are fighting her on another level. As you admit yourself, you are behaving at times like a teenager, your quest is to find out why. And as you have children reliant on you, it is important that you explore why you feel and act the way you do. Your mother sounds like she would be amenable to talking with you about this when the time is right, but first of all you have to work out why you resist her, and yet you love her too and recognize her good points. You have a need to be yourself, we all need this, but not at the exprence of having a less than fun relationship with mom, or losing yourself. You can be you and yet not feel guilty about your mother's approval! If you need help dealing with this issue you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Best wishes, Beth

The experience of losing a parent

15 May 2010 06:52 PM

Dear Jeremy, I'm so sorry your mother has died, and so young too. You will miss her, but you sound like you had a close mother and son relationship and nothing can take that away. Your mother knew that you loved her and you showed her that in many ways, even at the end by loading her mp3 player. Try not to feel that you failed her by not saying I love you -- she knew whenever she looked at you. Perhaps she was trying to tell you that in the dream. Jeremy, it will take a while for you to get over this, but that is normal. Cry when you need to, don't bottle it up. And talk to your mother too, this will help you to feel some comfort. You don't mention other family, do you have siblings, a father, grandparents etc, who can help you get through this period? Best wishes, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother

15 May 2010 04:11 PM

Hi Egg, congratulations on coming this far in your journey of discovery and disengagement. With regard to setting boundaries, it's not possible for you to ask your parents and brother to stop doing things that upset you. They don't acknowledge or respect boundaries when it comes to you. It is up to you to set the boundaries. To be able to effectively set boundaries, it is necessary for you to be very clear about your belief systmes about yourself and about them, otherwise you will find it difficult to set boundaries and keep them. It is possible for you to do this, but it requires changing a lifetime of habiots and beliefs but once the penny drops about the entirety of the situation, you will succeed in getting your freedom. You are coming towards the end of the process. If you would like assistance in helping to set boundaries and coping with the emoitonal fall-out that will initially accompany this, then contact me at youronlinecounselor.com Keep going, you're nearly there and you have a supportive husband to help you! Best wishes, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother

15 May 2010 12:31 AM

Hi Lunaceleste, have you considered counseling? Your GP has limited time for discussing psychological problems and will not have the necessary skills to diagnose your mother's behaviours and counsel you. You will need the assistance of a psychologist who works in the area of narcissistic personality disorder. If you are interested you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com for help with this problem.

Best wishes. Beth

Dealing with a Narcissistic Family Member

12 May 2010 06:34 PM

Hi Filly, Can you contact her doctor to fiond out the date of the angioplasy and then check at the hospital as to how the procedure goes? Do you have other family members you can ask to keep you informed of what is happening? It all depends on whether you wish to see your mother again or not. Try those suggestions, if you need further help with resolving the relationship better in your own mind on a permanent basis you can contact me at youronlinecounselor.com

Best wishes, Beth

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother

10 May 2010 10:30 PM

Hi Tami, have you discussed this with your therapist? Did they offer help with this latest dilemma? You are welcome to contact me if you would like a different viewpoint, but see how you go with your present therapist. best wishes, Beth McHugh

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Treatment Options

10 May 2010 12:53 AM

Hi Carro, your story brings hope to others who have suffers horrendous physical, emotional and sexual crimes. Learning martial arts is an excellent way to start taking back control in your life when it hads been so violently taken away.

Best, Beth