Much of the fear that fuels our anxiety is based in fiction – false truths that have no basis in reality. From a fear of public speaking, to a fear of leaving the house, our level of anxiety is distorted in relation to the actual potential for danger.
These are familiar behaviors that start in childhood – that fear of the monster in the closet or under the bed. You may not be able to see it or hear it, but you believe it is there.
The child’s response is to shrink in fear: “If I’m quiet enough and still enough, the monster won’t find me.” This is the kind of paralysis we carry into adulthood: “If I avoid that person or put that task off long enough, I won’t have to face the fear.” Unfortunately, as you may well know, the monster we usually have to fear most is the anxiety itself.
If you’d like to start facing the fears that fuel your anxiety, spend some time with the following questions excerpted from my book, Overcoming Anxiety, Worry and Fear: Practical Ways to Find Peace. Read them through first then put pen to paper and start fleshing things out:
1) Do you have an established routine you use every day?
2) Does it upset you when that routine is interrupted?
3) Are there situations or activities you will go out of your way to avoid?
4) What situations or activities make you uncomfortable?
5) What activities or situations make you uncomfortable but you do them anyway?
6) Has it gotten easier or harder over the past year to engage in those activities or be around those situations?
7) In the past year, have you turned down opportunities to try new things because of fear?
8) Looking back, do you regret not being able to say yes?
9) Do you feel your life would have been enhanced if you’d been able to say yes?
10) Are there certain people you specifically avoid because of how they make you feel?
11) What are some things you’ve done to avoid being around those people?
12) Have you given up doing something you liked because it would have involved someone you wanted to avoid?
13) Do you put off doing certain tasks regularly, like paying the bills or cleaning the house?
14) How do you feel when you do them? Name three separate emotions, if possible.
15) How do you feel when you put them off? Name three separate emotions, if possible.
16) What do you do instead of taking care of those tasks?
17) How long are you able to avoid or put off doing unpleasant things?
18) In the past two years, what activities have turned down because you felt afraid?
19) What activities have you decided you absolutely will not do and why?
20) Do you sometimes wish you could bring yourself to do those things, or are you resigned to never doing them?
21) If you could wake up in the morning and have one fear gone, which would it be?
22) What would your life be like without that fear?
23) What would you be willing to do to have that happen?
24) What would you be willing to give up for that to happen?
Delving deep into the answers for these questions may be confusing and painful, even anxiety-provoking, as may be the case for the 40 million other people who suffer from anxiety. But most often the safest thing you can do is simply to face the fear and do it anyway.
If you are unable to examine these questions on your own, it’s time to ask for professional help. You may want to start with the online Depression and Anxiety Questionnaire at The Center for Counseling and Health Resources.