Anxiety plays a troubling trick on us. We’re often so anxious about all the things we need to do that the only means of relieving the anxiety seems to be getting everything done. But as I discuss in-depth in my book Overcoming Anxiety Worry and Fear, everything is never done. From cleaning the house to finishing up a day’s work tasks, there will be more of the same tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. The only means of realizing relief is to make the time throughout the day, every day, to relax amidst the tasks that will otherwise define your life.
1) Assess your current relaxation methods (or lack thereof).
*What do you consider a relaxing thing to do?
*How often do you find yourself relaxing during the day?
*How often do you find yourself relaxing during the week?
*Do you wish you could relax more?
*Are you afraid of falling asleep? Does it seem like a loss of control?
*Are you envious of people who appear to be able to relax and not worry about it?
*Do you hold off on relaxing until you feel you’ve earned it? If so, how do you earn your relaxation?
*What do you use to help you relax? Do you eat to relax? Drink to relax? Exercise to relax?
*How often during the day do you feel relaxed?
*How often during the day do you feel anxious or stressed?
*How often during the day do you spend time just quietly sitting or thinking?
*How committed are you to making the changes you need to enjoy a life filled with more times of relaxation?
*What are you willing to give up to make room for relaxation in your life?
*How committed are you to taking back control over your life, including your ability to relax, from your fears and concerns?
2) Give yourself permission to relax. You need no accomplishment to earn relaxation – no need to finish this task, or that, before it’s okay. That’s your mind talking – thoughts stemming from anxiety that are in no way tied to reality. Give yourself permission to relax not as a means of avoiding responsibilities, but to re-charge yourself so you can “do” even better. Taking time out to relax your mind not only helps you get tasks done more quickly, but helps you enjoy them more too.
3) Try some relaxation techniques, like:
Controlled breathing – There are a number of breathing techniques you may use. The one I prefer is called the “foursquare” method. Breathe in deeply for four seconds. Hold the breath for four seconds. Exhale for four seconds. Wait and do not breathe for another four seconds. Repeat.
Mini-vacations – You need not leave your house, or even your office, to take a mini-vacation. Find a quiet place. Close your eyes and imagine a peaceful place where you feel comfortable. Breathe deeply and slowly. Imagine what this place looks like, feels like, smells like, sounds like. For 5 minutes or half an hour, you’ll feel remarkably refreshed when you open your eyes.
Progressive muscle relaxation – Lying down or sitting comfortably, tense then relax each muscle in your body, progressively from head to toe, or vice versa.
Walking unplugged – Instead of listening to music on your next walk, go solo in silence. Distraction is not relaxation. Practice listening to your thoughts, letting them go and finding the silence in between.
Working out – There’s nothing like the euphoria you feel after a good workout. Funny, but it’s true, the most relaxing moments of our lives often come after the most intense physical exertion.
Deep sleep – All of the above relaxation techniques can help intensify the most important one of all – sleeping deeply. For deeper sleep, also try avoiding tobacco, alcohol or caffeine late afternoon on. Keep it dark and quiet in the bedroom and make sure the bedroom is just that – not a place to work or even watch TV. Condition your body to understand, when your head hits the pillow, it’s time to close your eyes.
4) Be patient with yourself. The longer you’ve been living with anxiety, the tougher time you may have adjusting to a life incorporated with conscious relaxation. What may surprise you most is that relaxing takes work, for an anxious person anyway. What’s tough is tearing yourself away from your to-do list, the completion of which promises relaxation. Keep reminding yourself, that’s not true. Patiently push yourself into techniques that promise you relaxation right now, and delivers every time.