In all honesty, I have some ambivalence about Father’s Day. While I definitely still remind my kids that it is coming up, they are old enough now that I have stepped out of the loop when it comes to being overly assertive in trying to help them do something for their dad. In fact, I pretty much leave it up to them other than mentioning that the day is impending.
There are some great fathers out there. I have heard tales and I know there are plenty of people on this site who are constantly commenting about having the most “wonderful” and “supportive” male partner. That has just not been my experience. I’m open to it, I believe it is possible, but I also hear the other side of the coin—fathers who are only marginally involved or not involved at all. There are those who do not pay child support, or show up when they say or attend functions. Then there are all sorts of other issues that can go down between a divorced or separated mother and father. I cannot even begin to address how Father’s day might be for the single mom who is managing on her own because of a spouse’s death!
All I know is that Father’s day can be tough—it can be a trigger for us for myriad reasons. Whether we are trying to maintain neutral or wondering what exactly the “father” or “fathers” in our life actually do, I think this time of year can be an opportunity for us to work on those unfinished issues. We can also work on trying NOT to pass our issues and baggage onto our children. I know that I have more work to do on this challenge—I remain conflicted and ambivalent. This does not mean that I am anti-father or anti-man—it just means that Father’s day can trigger some “stuff” for me and I imagine I am in good company with other single moms.