The most important relationship adoptive parents have is with each other. Following the long process of completing the adoption home study, then waiting for a match, waiting for transition to start and then all of the excitement of finally starting life as a family together–parents must remember to stay connected. Perhaps even more in the months following placement of a new baby or child then at any other time in your marriage.
Adoptive parents who are able to nurture themselves and their relationship seem to be able to remain united and are less likely to experience Post Adoption Depression (PAD). Each adult needs to have some amount of time during the week to do and be who they were before they became parents or added another child to the family. In addition to keeping your own personal identity adoptive parents need to be sure they pay attention to each other.
When our siblings were placed we actually had a plan written on the calendar. Dad, was to take a few hours on Saturday to maintain his friendships and just hang out with the guys. Mom was to have a few hours on Sundays to take a long hot bath, pluck her eyebrows and paint her toe nails. And, Together at least once a week, both parents were to enjoy at least an hour or two to slip away and spend time with each other.
When you are on an airplane and they are telling you all those safety instructions pay attention to the part about the oxygen masks. They always advise parents to secure their own mask before helping their child. This is because parents are worthless if they pass out for lack of oxygen and then they won’t be able to help their own children. Parents who are able to keep themselves alive are able to parent children who need them. Before your child came to live in your home what was it that kept your marriage alive? Usually, it was time with each other and attention to remaining connected.
You will find some other helpful ideas on keeping your relationship or marriage healthy and happy on the Marriage Blog.
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Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.