Continued from Part 1: Choices and Consequences
The good thing about this situation is that Makala and Jeremiah didn’t have to grow up unsafe, and with the help of case workers, kid helpers and God Makala and Jeremiah were given a growing up mommy and daddy to help them.
I know your heart will have a scar just like Sean’s leg does. The hurts you got when you were just a little baby and a preschooler can heal up and stop bleeding but you will always still have love for your birth mom. And, that is fine with me–because, I love your birth mom too. I love her because she gave life to you. I love her because she made a choice to let you be born. I love her because as poor as her choices have been, I know that she didn’t have the chance to grow up with a mom and dad who would help her learn how to be the kind of mom who makes the best choices for her children. I love her and hope she can learn how to make better choices now. Like I said, even mom’s can learn from mistakes.
Sometimes when Sean was hurt I didn’t always know how to help him. I didn’t know how to do an operation so we needed the help of doctors. I didn’t know how to take care of the hurt on Sean’s leg by myself. I needed the nurses to show me how. I didn’t know how to help Sean learn how to walk again, so I needed the therapists to show me what to do.
I had to learn how to teach Sean what choices to make so his leg would heal, and how to walk again. But, Sean also had to make some choices even if it was hard and painful to learn. Some of the choices Sean made NOT to do his therapy meant he had to have another operation. Sean wouldn’t ever Rub his scars and they turned into a rubber-band around his leg. So tight that when time passed he could hardly move his leg.
His scars got bigger and bigger–tighter and tighter–and after a long time his scars had to be cut-out and he needed to learn he had to do the hard job of not letting that scar tissue grow back and get tight again.
I tried to help as much as I could. I tried to rub his scar tissue and keep it from growing too deep, but it was his leg and I really didn’t want to hurt him. When I rubbed his scar tissue it hurt, he cried and it made me feel so bad–because I love him so much. It’s hard to rub someone’s scars and it’s difficult to know how hard to rub. So eventually, Sean HAD to learn how to rub his own scars.
Sean needed to learn where his deep injury was, and where the scar tissue grew. He needed to learn how to break it down and keep it from building up. At first he didn’t even like to look at his hurt leg. It reminded him of that day he severed it. He didn’t like to look where his bones poked out, or where his leg was sewn back on. He knew it was ugly and scary.
He had big temper tantrums which made me irritated. He would yell and scream and say things I know he didn’t mean. At night he cried because he thought about all the things he wanted to do, but knew he couldn’t. He was mad inside. He was mad at me, he was mad at himself for making a choice to sled. He was mad at the doctors and sometimes he wished they would have just cut his leg off completely. Sometimes he thought that would have been better the rubbing his scar tissue.
It was hard to help Sean. It took some time, and a lot of other people to help us teach Sean what might make his leg feel better. A lot of people needed to come into our lives, our home, his school, the hospital and every place Sean went. It was hard for me to always know the best ways to help him learn how to keep his leg attached. Sometimes I felt terrible about the pain he had. Sometimes even I wished the doctors had just cut it off and a fake leg was given to him. I cried a lot when Sean was suffering. I cried everyday helping him.
But, in my heart I knew it was my job. No matter how hard it was. No matter how much it hurt him. I knew he needed me to teach him how and that one day he would be happy we picked keeping his leg attached. One day, I knew that Sean would grow up and take over the job of learning what to do to keep his leg on his body.
We can all see Sean’s scars. We can see that Sean is doing the job of keeping his leg attached. It did take a very long time for him to take over and take care of his own leg. And, now I feel much better, and I am glad it was MY JOB to teach him how to take care of his hurt.
To be continued: Rumors and Crutches
- Choices and Consequences
- Scar Tissue
- Rumors and Crutches
- The Story of Joe and Eddie
- Thanksgiving and LeRoy’s Boys
- When Uncle Eddie Took Care of His Birth Mother.
- I Married An Adopted Boy.
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms: Adoption terms and special needs words may vary from agency to agency. The terms used in this Special Needs Adoption-Related Glossary may be slightly different from one State to another.
Anna is a Families.com Insurance and Guest Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/happymomanna/blog