In the last Blog, we discussed the fact that adoptive parents need to Plan on Responding to our child’s needs a bit more conscientiously especially during the first several months after becoming a member of the family. This entry lists some of the ways Adoptive parents might respond to the Arousal-Relaxation Cycle:
Become in tune with how the child is feeling physically, pay attention and respond affectionately and attentively when they are sick. Respond quickly when they are hurt and do the whole “boo-boo” kiss routine even for minor injuries. Demonstrate compassion and let your child know that you don’t like it when they get hurt it makes you very sad.
Express love and care about seeing the doctor, dentist, and eye doctors and make the appointments special in some way. Have lunch or go to the park after the appointments. Tell your child you love them and care about their bodies and making sure they are healthy.
Help your child express and cope with their feelings and label them. Talk about emotions and feelings, about sadness, anger and trust. Help your child deal with ambivalent feelings about his or her birth family. Point out the Great Features and Traits your child had to have received from his or her birth parents. Help your child understand their past.
Use your child’s tantrums to build attachment, especially early during placement. Some children will need to push parents to the complete extreme and tantrums generally push the most buttons. Keep cool, and remain in control of yourself, some children NEED to test and see if their parents are SAFE people.
Start teaching a child as early as possible about having a safe body, and keeping their own body safe. Some children may have twisted views of the police, or of what family members do with each other. Safe body boundaries are important to establish, and no matter how old a child is we need to teach them what is acceptable and what is not. One form of Attachment Disorder includes indiscriminate friendships and relationships often with complete strangers. We have to teach our children some of the most basic things they may not have learned before we became their parents.
Establish a very routine and regular schedule. Often our children need fewer activities then other children need. Depending on the age, a child is at the time of placement remember there are often emotional delays, and social problems are very common. Our children need a regular, day in and day out dependable routine. This doesn’t mean we don’t have life events, or major changes but it does mean we have a core routine.
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.