Having expectations is not necessarily a bad thing. After all, our expectations can guide us in the direction of our dreams, help us strive to become better people and develop new skills, and expectations can be a form of hope that gives us reason to get up in the mornings. It is also natural for parents to have expectations when it comes to their children—behavior, academics, sports, talent, etc. can all be areas where we carry expectations for our children. It is important, however, to find a way to balance our expectations with reality.
In moderation, I think that letting our children know what our expectations are is necessary. They need to know what we expect from them in terms of their behavior choices, how they do in school, and what we value in terms of extra curricular activities. I always made it clear that I expected my kids to be good sports, and once they committed to a team or project, they needed to see it through to the end. These were two of my expectations. Does that mean that my kids always lived up to those expectations or that reality didn’t sometimes get in the way of my true vision? Of course not!
We have to temper our expectations with common sense, understanding, and compassion. There will always be exceptions and we may find that some of our expectations have actually been unreasonable. Expecting that all of your children will play sports and be involved in music doesn’t really take into account personal interest, temperament, or talent. Loosening up the reigns and allowing your expectations to expand to fit within the realms of reality will help you to both encourage and support your child as he or she develops into the unique individual he or she was meant to be.
Also: Ask Yourself–Is This Behavior Intentional?
Parents–Try Something New for a Change in Perspective