The search for my biological mother was long, and grueling. I encountered many obstacles, and discovered a lot of horrible information, as well as a lot of untrue information, along the way. Throughout the whole process I had to remind myself that it was all the past, and what mattered now, was finding her and my future.
My search began in 1994 on the AOL Adoption board. My son had just been born and I was determined to find the answers I had longed to know for so long. Many states have different ages in which adoption information can be released. In Missouri it was twenty-one and I qualified. The reason I wanted to search was two fold. I wanted to learn about medical history so I could protect my newborn son. I was tired of being asked about family medical information, when I didn’t have any. And of course, I wanted to learn about my biological mother for my own selfish reasons. Selfish reasons I didn’t even understand myself until more recently. But reasons I wouldn’t change now at all. I met many wonderful people on the adoption boards, but three stand out clearly in my mind. Two were members of the triad themselves, and one – one was invaluable in his own right.
Terrie was a biological mother who had given up her daughter, and was trying to locate her and learn about her life. Unfortunately for Terrie, because of the adoption laws in place, she had no chance for several more years of actually contacting her daughter. We talked through agonizing hours of emotional pain, from both of us. She hurt because she could “see” her daughter, and “watch” her from a distance, but she could not “touch”, or “hold”. My ordeal was painful because I longed for a mother like her. I wanted to discover along the way that I was being looked for and that I was wanted. That I had never been forgotten. Terrie and I leaned on each other, helped each other and became good friends. There were many times I would have given up if it hadn’t been for her.
To be Continued….
Please see: Beginning My Search for My Biological Mother (2)