Accepting the loss and working through the grief doesn’t mean birth parents forget the baby they placed for adoption. It doesn’t mean birth mothers or birth fathers don’t experiences times of feeling sorrow or regret for their loss. Acceptance means birth parents allow themselves to move forward with their lives and integrate the loss into their future lives.
There are a number ways birth mothers and birth fathers have found which often help them deal with loss and grief and move to a place of acceptance:
- Entrustment ceremonies: Some adoption agencies, adoptive parents and birth parents have found a simple ritual or ceremony at the time the baby is placed with the adoptive parents can help transform birth parents feelings of loss and grief. By taking a few moments to symbolically entrust their child to the adoptive parents–birth parents can mark the moment in time. In some cases, entrustment ceremonies take place in the hospital. This kind of ceremony gives the birth parents a chance to say good-bye to their baby and feel a sense of control over the placement with the adoptive parents. This kind of ceremony may help with birth parents in the later stages of the grieving process.
- Rituals and Traditions: Many birth parents find it helpful to create a tradition that honors their baby and the decision to place their baby with an adoptive family. Some of the kinds of rituals birth parents talk about doing include, planting a tree, releasing ballons, or writing a letter to the child, whether it is sent or not. These kinds of personal rituals are ways of acknowledging the loss. Traditions some birth parents have found helpful center on special days, such as the child’s birthday. Some birth parents find it helpful to continue with some type of ceremony or tradition as the years pass.
- Taking time: There isn’t a timetable which will predict when feelings of loss and grief will be resolved. There may be many times during the years, when the grief may resurface. Other birth parents and counselors say time to grieve must be taken in order to recover. Birth parents who allow themselves time to grieve the loss may be better able to move on and feel the feelings of acceptance.
- The Adoption Triad: Birth Parents Placement and Healing Intro
- Before and At Placement
- Loss and Grief
- Shame and Guilt
- Identity Issues
- Healing
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Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
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