As children grow older, they slowly start experiencing situations that teach them to fear. As an example, perhaps they have pulled on a dog’s ear and the dog snapped at them in reaction or maybe they slipped into their bath water and got a mouthful of water, making them choke. There are children who have a close family member pass away from old age or an unexpected illness and then all the sudden the child has a fear of dying.
As the various forms of fear start growing, parents have the job of helping them get past these fears. Some children will do just fine while other children will become plagued by their fears. For the child who has a fear of death, parents can tell a child that the deceased has gone to Heaven, which usually stops further questions or if the deceased was an older person that they were “too old and tired to go on living.”
Generally, when children ask about death, they are asking if YOU are going to die. The fear is that mom and dad will go away, and that is where the majority of the fear comes from. Whenever you have a child struggling with death, ensure them that you will be around for a long time and that everything with mom and dad is fine.
Another fear that may sound funny to everyone but the parent going through it with their child is the fear children experience when they discover their own body. Although they may not tell you, young boys can have an overwhelming fear of the differences between boys and girls. If they take a bath with a baby sister, it will not be long before they realize that she is not made with the same equipment. In their young minds, they may conjure up fear that something has happened to their little sister’s body and it is going to happen to them too. For a small child, those are serious fears.
Another very common fear that children experience around age two or during their potty training time, is seeing their stool being flushed down the toilet. That may sound odd, but doctors have explained this fear comes from them thinking that a part of their body is being lost. As adults, we often do not think of these things because we understand. In a child’s mind, they have no idea what is going on.
In this situation, there are things you can do. First, once your child reaches age two, instead of bathing them with a baby sister, start having them take their own baths. If they ask or you notice comparisons being made, in a VERY simplistic manner, say to them, “God makes boys and girls different. Each of you is made special.” In most cases, that will be the end of the concern. Regarding the stool, it is important to keep your child from seeing anything being flushed away. When they are ready to use the toilet by themselves, then you can explain to them, again, in very simple terms that this is how our body cleans itself.
Many parents do not take these types of situations serious and think the children are being silly or ridiculous. The fact is, to them, this is all very real and very scary. As parents, we need to think of how things appear to our children and react accordingly. By accepting that these are real fears for children and taking the appropriate action, you will build confidence in your children in two ways. The first is that you are teaching them how to handle fear with truth. The second is that they know you will tell them the truth and be there for them when things frighten them.