I read an article that said co habitation is becoming the norm. As a society we are so afraid of divorce that we don’t make the commitment in the first place thinking that if it doesn’t work out it will be easier if we are not married. Yes, in many ways not getting married makes it easier if you split up, but maybe it also makes it easier to split up. Where is the determination to make this marriage work? Our children suffer when their parents separate whether they were married or not, there is no difference to the child. A family breaking up is a family breaking up, even if mom and dad never shared the same last name.
There are still the things that get separated during a divorce, homes, cars, possessions, plus custody of your children. The only thing you don’t have to do is pay a lawyer, the logistics and the hurt are the same, why put yourself in that position if you are not committed anyway?
The article went on to talk about the instability that comes with cohabitation, the mix of siblings, half and step siblings and the changing dynamics. It also said that these children are more at risk of educational, social, psychological problems and more likely to be the victims of abuse. These all the same things they say about children from single parent households anyway, so should we really pay attention to this?
They can do all the studies they want but the fact remains, if we don’t teach our children how to live morally and how to treat other people, no one else will. I know I don’t want my daughter to get divorced so I don’t want her to take living with someone lightly. I want her to see living with someone as a commitment, a lifelong commitment, not just to see if things work out. That is what you find out by dating. If you date for any length of time you find out enough about the other person to know if this is someone you can spend your life with, if not, you should walk away, not move in together to see if you can make it work.
I haven’t lived with anyone since my divorce, and the main reason for that is I want Hailey to value the relationship she has with her partner. If you are not willing to commit to another person then why bother living with them? Someone to help pay the bills? Someone to keep their side of the bed from being so empty? Those are not good enough reasons to intertwine your life with someone else’s. I certainly wouldn’t want someone to live with me for such superficial reasons.
I believe that we have to show our children what is important. Even though I’m divorced I still think the best environment for a child to grow up in is a healthy family. I hope that through my divorce I’ve taught Hailey that she shouldn’t stay in relationships that are unhealthy for her or her children. I also hope that I’ve given her the skills to make better choices and be willing to commit, for a lifetime, not just because it’s convenient.