Each day we make deposits into our children’s lives. This really struck me after reading Stephen R. Covey’s book, “The 8th Habit.”
Although this book has nothing to do with parenting, there was something that really struck me: “We don’t even know what a deposit is to another person unless we understand that person from his or her frame of reference. What may be a high-level, high-value deposit to you may be a low-level, low-value deposit to another—or even a withdrawal.”
I find this to be very true as a mother of three teenagers. I can think I am making a significant deposit into my children’s lives but that’s because it’s through my eyes. I have to learn to see what is valuable through the eyes of my children.
This is important because not only could I be wasting deposits, I could actually be making withdrawals. I don’t want to take away from my children’s lives. I don’t want to be the cause of their hurt.
Yet oftentimes I am…not intentionally. But I haven’t taken the time to really consider whether my words or actions are actually a deposit or withdrawal.
Even when difficult things must be said or issues must be addressed, I can still avoid withdrawals. I can deposit truth in a firm but loving manner. I can administer discipline in a fair and reasonable way.
Sure, my children may not view them as deposits. But it’s like the safety deposit box in a bank. You sometimes don’t realize the value of what is inside.
Ever since reading that, I have been making a real effort to think before I speak or react. I have been considering the tone of voice and words I use.
I have been realizing the significant impact I am making in the lives of my children. I am learning what is truly valuable to them, on an individual basis.
Are you making the right kind of deposits into your children’s lives? Or have there been too many withdrawals?
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Photo by mconnors in morgueFile