We all have triggers in our relationships that set off disagreements. For some people it’s working late or going out with friends, and for others it’s holidays, or at least holidays seem to be a problem. It may have more to do with the fact that holidays can become stressful, than the holidays themselves.
For example, one spouse may feel resentful if he or she has more responsibility for planning and executing holiday get-togethers. Another person may begin to dislike the holidays because he or she is uncomfortable watching the other person become the life of the holiday party while feeling like a wallflower.
These two issues are fairly simple to resolve. They just require a bit of balance, such as sharing holiday responsibilities more equally, and making sure to pay attention to the other person at gatherings or parties so he or she feels included. The key is recognizing the problems first so that something can be done.
There are other problems that sneak in sometimes and they can easily hide behind the overall concept of “holidays” too. It may not actually be that the holiday itself is which one finds upsetting, although the underlying issue of expense may present a huge source of stress for one partner or the other. If finances are already strained, and preparing for a major holiday or other special occasion further burdens the budget, that stress may create feelings of discouragement or even resentment.
It’s important to stop and think about what is really bothering us and talk about the true source of difficulty. Talk about how you feel and mention specifics, such as the items mentioned here or others that cause you discomfort, instead of blaming it on the holidays (or blaming it solely on your spouse).
Once you can sort through any underlying concerns, you’ll have a much better chance of talking things through without allowing emotions such as anger and resentment to rule the conversation.
Related: Sharing Holiday Responsibilities