Special Needs, older, and waiting foster children don’t have to have perfect parents, they just need one or two adults willing to meet the unique challenges and advocate for their special needs. One advantage to special needs adoption is that almost any responsible adult can become and adoptive parents and make the lifetime commitment of caring and nurturing their child.
Prospective Special Needs adoptive parents don’t have to be rich, married, under 40, highly educated, or home owners to adopt. It is more important for interested adoptive parents to consider the following factors when deciding if you have what it takes to parent a special needs child:
- Do you have a belief in adoption and the ability to commit?
- Do you have patience and perseverance?
- Do you have a good sense of humor and ability to keep life in perspective?
- Do you love children and being a parent?
- Do you have the ability and courage to face unexpected changes, stresses and obstacles?
- Can you deal with rejection and not take it personally?
- Can you accept someone without judging?
- Do you have tolerance and understanding about how an older, waiting, or special needs child would have conflicting feelings about you?
- Do you understand that healing doesn’t come quickly and not all wounds can be healed?
- Are you ready to love a child who may not ever love you back or attach with you?
- Do you have the strength to be consistent, set limits and stand by your words?
- Are you willing to learn new parenting methods, skills and techniques?
- Can you advocate for a child’s educational and medical needs?
If you can answer all of the above questions with a, “Yes” then you need to also ask yourself:
- Do I clearly understand Why I want to adopt a special needs child?
- Does my partner, family, and support system work as a team, is everyone committed to an adoption?
- Does my lifestyle and living situation give me the time I need to nurture the needs of a child?
- Am I willing to change my life to accommodate the needs of a special child?
It is very important to think carefully about the answers to the above questions. Adoptive families may decide to pursue a different path for adoption. Give yourself time to carefully consider the decision you make as it is a decision that will affect you and the child you parent for a lifetime.
Adoptive families need to seriously consider special needs adoption and their desire to successfully parent children who have troubling pasts and uncertain futures. Many special needs children didn’t receive the early childhood care all children need in order to develop a strong sense of security, trust, and self-esteem. Some special needs children suffer from conditions caused by past trauma, prenatal drug and alcohol exposure, and broken attachments.
Therapy, medication, and consistent specialized care may be needed to help children find ways to overcome and cope with many of the challenges they face. Parents need to be ready to offer children a home environment that combines extra love, support, and attention with clear structure and consistent limit-setting. Special Needs parents need to be ready to advocate for their child with schools, peers, and within the community.
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For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.