We all have our own love language. In other words, what speaks love to one person might not be the same thing as another person. This is best explained in the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
If you don’t already know what your love language is, you can find out by visiting their website. But I would also strongly encourage you to find out what your spouse’s love language is. This could make a significant difference in the way you interact with one another. It could even lead to a stronger marriage.
Think of it this way. Let’s say you are about to go out with someone for the first time. He asks you what your favorite food is and you say, “Mexican.” He asks you what your least favorite food is and you say, “Italian.” If he takes you to a Mexican restaurant, how will that make you feel? It will show that your interests matter to him.
But what if instead, you pulled up in front of “Olive Garden”? How are you going to feel? You are probably first going to ask yourself, how can I get out of this date? But then you are also going to wonder why he didn’t care about what you said.
One choice will make you feel good and one will not. The same thing happens in marriage. For many years I thought I was speaking love to my husband because I was doing things for him around the house. I thought my role as a housekeeper was speaking volumes and when I didn’t feel much appreciation, I took it as a personal affront.
But after reading this book many years ago what I discovered is that I was actually demonstrating to my husband what my own personal love language was. I could clean out a kitchen cabinet and proudly show him my work but not get much of a response. However if he would do the vacuuming for me, I would be feeling pretty loved.
So I had to learn what my husband’s love language is. Typically you have one or two languages that rate high. For him it is physical touch and quality time. For me it is acts of service. But there are two other love languages as well, words of affirmation and receiving gifts.
The bottom line is that we are more inclined to speak the love language that means the most to us. We need to learn what our husband’s love language is and begin to speak that.
What do you think is your husband’s love language? What is yours?
Photo by Tranкov in Stockvault