Is your husband a huge flirt? Does he flirt like he breathes? Do you get tired of hearing him refer to others as sweetheart and hon? Does it make you crazy that he doesn’t understand why it bothers you? It can be deeply frustrating to see how easily your husband can put an arm around someone else, demonstrate deep affection or use pet names for other people that are not you.
First, Understand Why You Feel This Way
It’s important to understand why you feel this way. Are you feeling neglected? Is his attentions to others taking away that affection from you or is he simply that open, fun and flirty with others and not so much with you? As a married couple, we should feel insulated in our relationship – sharing with our spouse what is not shared with others.
When your husband is an openly demonstrative and affectionate flirt, this can feed your insecurities. So you need to understand why you feel that way and you need to understand whether or not it is his actions or your own insecurities that are making you feel that way.
Second, Talk to Your Husband
Naturally gregarious guys who enjoy social situations may flirt as easily as they breathe. It may never occur to them that there is an issue. I know plenty of men who were raised to refer to others in affectionate terms and they don’t even hear themselves when they do it. When asked or put on the spot, they may express surprise over it.
Be honest about what you are feeling and don’t be accusatory. You may say something like: I feel jealous or hurt when I hear you call someone else sweetie.
Ask why he does it or if he is even aware? Nine times out of ten, your husband may not be aware of it. If you ask him to be a little more sensitive to your needs, be reasonable and don’t jump him the next time he says sweetie to someone.
Third, Understanding is a Two Way Street
If you have both talked about it and he’s explained his reasons and they don’t sound dramatically unreasonable to you, try to be understanding. You want to hear him and you want to listen to why he does what he is doing. You want to know how it makes him feel. Understanding is always a two way street, if you are asking him to help you comfort your own insecurities — then be open for him to express his own needs.
It could be that he enjoys being warm and open. That he doesn’t know how to not be that way. It could be that he needs those connections with others and that they have a value for him. Adding understanding to how the two of you communicate is important. It’s also worth mentioning that flirting doesn’t have to mean anything. I flirt with sales people and I don’t mean anything by it – flirting is just how some people of opposite genders communicate.
Does your husband flirt?