Thankfully, I am not a victim of domestic violence, but a recent experience brought this topic to mind. I had oral surgery, which unfortunately left my face badly swollen and deeply bruised. When I went ventured out to the store in this condition, I saw a few people I know, some casually, some fairly well.
I wasn’t really thinking about the condition of my face, until I noticed that some people were avoiding me, and purposely looking away. I don’t know about you, but if I saw an acquaintance who looked like he or she had just lost a prizefight, I would have to ask what happened.
I ran into one person I know because our kids played ball together. I spoke to her and she mumbled a greeting, and hurried away. I also ran into a couple I know. Both avoided looking directly at my face and although they spoke to me for a moment, they too quickly moved on.
I know that people often just don’t want to seem “nosey,” and if it was a little scratch or something, I could see how people might simply disregard it. I just find it unsettling when people see a person sporting a rather ugly injury and then do everything in their power to avoid it.
There were two people who did say something. One woman, not particularly a friend, asked jokingly, “Who have you been fighting with?” (as if this mother of four would go around getting into fistfights). The only one who actually showed concern was a woman who works at the store. She sees me there frequently, but she really doesn’t know me personally; she doesn’t even know my name.
She asked if I was all right and if there was anything she could do. She clearly thought someone had intentionally hurt me and wanted to help. I told her about the oral surgery, and she seemed very relieved.
Now, I’m not one for calling in the authorities on a mere suspicion that something is wrong without proof. I simply do not and will not ever agree with undue government intrusion, but I do think we owe it to people we know to show personal concern. I think it is important to ask if anything is wrong when we see people who look as if they might be in trouble. Then, if necessary, we can look for ways to help.
I think we owe people more than to turn away in order to avoid our own awkwardness or feelings of discomfort. Their discomfort may be far greater than we know. If it isn’t abuse, we can be thankful and relieved that it is not, but at least that person will know that someone cared enough to ask.
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