Don’t Expect Your Spouse to Make You Happy

That may not be the advice you expect to get here, but it’s important to not fall into the trap of expecting your spouse to make you happy all the time. When this happens, your spouse comes home stressed, you’re stressed from the day and the two of you end up taking those bad moods out on each other. Neither one of you is good company nor are you supporting each other. In fact, very quickly, you will end up resenting each other.

This is hardly a positive because the two of you will quickly begin spending time apart and both of you could be asking yourselves why are you in this marriage to begin with? If you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, don’t automatically blame your marriage for the problems you or your spouse is experiencing in other areas of your life.

Your spouse shouldn’t have to make you happy, but they can be a big part of the solution. It is not a matter of saying “if they really cared about my feelings they would …. “ Your spouse does care about your feelings, but they cannot wave a magic wand and make the stress of your workday and other commitments vanish.

Instead, you should say “My bad day isn’t my spouse’s fault and it’s not my fault. We’re a lot stronger together than we are apart.” Don’t blame each other and don’t make your spouse your enemy. The last thing they want is for you to be miserable.

Instead of lashing out at each other, make a point of taking a cooling off period in the first hour that you are both home together – talk about anything and everything that has nothing to do with your bad days. When you’ve had some time to decompress and cool off. Then sit down and talk to each other about what’s bothering each of you.

It’s important to set the goals for the conversation from the get go. Do you want your spouse’s input? Do you want their help problem solving? Do you just want someone to listen to you? And then go from there. And a piece of advice, you’re always on your spouse’s side, right wrong or indifferent – don’t play devil’s advocate for them unless they ask for it – otherwise if the boss at work is a skunk, then you agree with them on that.

Your spouse can be your greatest ally, don’t dismiss that by playing the blame game and take care of each other first and foremost.

How do you and your spouse help to make each other happy?

Related Articles:

Problem Solving: Resolving Together

How to Compromise

But I Digress …

Using I Language

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About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.

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