All parents face a variety of challenges when faced with discipline. Single parents, however, face unique challenges when it comes to discipline. Being the sole enforcer of rules and then consequences and discipline can seem daunting and isn’t exactly an easy job.
In addition, when you share your kids between two households, disciplinary methods used between the two households often cause confusion of rules and difficulty with discipline.
One of the best ways to learn effective discipline strategies is to know the difference between Discipline and Punishment. They are not the same.
According to dictionary.com the definition for Punishment is:
PUNISHMENT: n.
- A penalty imposed for wrongdoing: “The severity of the punishment must… be in keeping with the kind of obligation which has been violated” (Simone Weil).
- Rough handling; mistreatment: These old skis have taken a lot of punishment over the years.
And the definition for Discipline is:
DISCIPLINE: n.
- Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
- Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.
So as you can figure out, punishment is a method a parent uses to teach discipline to a child, so that the child learns to behave properly on their own through self-control. We want to teach our children to actually want to behave properly.
Here are a few examples of ways that this might be accomplished:
Clearly state your expectation. “It’s time to go to bed. Turn off the T.V., brush your teeth and hop into bed.”
If your child does what you ask, reward him with praise (rather than a prize). “You did a great job of getting ready for bed. Thank you for listening so well.”
Any type of affectionate reward – lots of hugs, kisses, high fives, clapping and pats on the back, help to increase their self esteem and motivate them to do it again.
If your child refuses or ignores your request, then a clear warning should be given immediately. “I’m reminding you just this one time to get ready for bed.” If the warning is not heeded, then quickly enforce with an appropriate punishment. “There will not be T.V. tomorrow before bed since you chose not to get ready for bed when I asked you to”. Then you have to remember to enforce it the next evening, with a gentle reminder of why.
When a child learns that you mean what you say, she will begin to understand how wonderful it can feel to her when she pleases you by listening and following directions, and how it doesn’t feel so good when she doesn’t. Having your approval and a peaceful loving response will become all the reward your child wants for herself – and that’s effective discipline.