One of the topics that come up again and again when I talk with other single parents is the way we all seem to wrestle with the one income/lower income issue and how it affects our own self-esteem, AND how we worry that it will affect our children’s. We tend to be concerned that if we aren’t able to give our children everything that “other kids” or “other families” have; or that if we aren’t able to live in the right neighborhood, go on vacations, etc.—our children will be at a disadvantage. This can be some heavy stuff and make it hard for single parents to feel good about what we’re doing.
Of course, single parents are definitely NOT the only ones who wrestle with the lower income issue. In our capitalistic/consumer-driven society, it can often seem like everything is measured based on how much a person has acquired and can spend. This isn’t always something that comes from the outside either—the impact it has on our self-esteem is often something we are doing to ourselves as we let those values creep in. It’s tough to hear our kids complain about what they don’t have or know that they are feeling the pinch of less—but it can be an opportunity to build strength, confidence and even stronger self-esteem.
We can use the realities of life as a single parent family to help teach our children that a person’s worth is not determined by what they own or have despite all the messages from the world at large to the contrary. By working on our own self-esteem issues around income and expanding our idea of what a “successful” life looks like, we can pass that on to our kids. It can be especially hard when there is a drastic change in the standard of living after a divorce or separation. If a child has lived in a certain neighborhood and gotten used to certain luxuries, the change can be rough and take some time to absorb (for both children and parents.)
I have no doubt that this will continue to be an issue for many single parents, but I do think that facing it head-on and acknowledging what is really going on for us helps. Finding support with other single parents and being able to commiserate with those who really do understand and “get” where we are at and what we are struggling through can help too. Plus, it gives our children the chance to see that there are other people who live like us too.
Also: Evaluating Government Assistance
Single Moms–Improving the Financial Picture