If you have been reading my marriage blog you know about my in law drama. There are a couple of new developments. In case you have not read my entries before let me give you a quick 411. We have a very strained relationship with my in laws and they tend to not really want to do anything with our family or our kids. Last Christmas season we tried to set a date with my mother and father in law to do a gift exchange and just spend some time with them. My mother in law said that she had too many plans and that unless we could come on Christmas Eve she would have no time for our family which includes her son, our three children we adopted 9 years ago (her grandchildren) and me until sometime in February.
Now before you ask we only like an hour away not multiple states away. Last year we caved and went to their house on Christmas Eve and when we left our kids all commented that they felt bad about how they felt. We asked why and they said that the room that was supposed to be theirs at Grandma and Grandpa’s had their initials off the wall and replaced with the biological granddaughter’s name (my sister in laws child). The room was all pink and girly and there were toys for a 3 year old all over the room and out kids each had 1 shoe box of toys each. There were a few pictures of my kids and the rest of the house is covered with pictures of the biological granddaughter.
I keep mentioning the difference between how our kids are treated and how their other grand child is treated and the fact there is a biological difference. The reason for that is the only difference is blood and other than that our kids were the first grandchildren and they really have never had a close relationship with our kids.
We think this is a relevant fact because of the fact that my mother in law wrote us a letter years ago telling us that you can never love an adopted child the same as a biological child. That sticks with you when they repeatedly show they treat them differently.
This past holiday season my family decided to not participate in Christmas Eve with the whole family again. They just felt too bad last year. We support the kids with all our hearts and we did not want to go either. The holidays should be a happy time and last year was anything but. Our brother and sister in law decided to cut our family out of their holidays and then our mother and father in law did the same thing. We have been calling for 3 months trying to get together with them to do a Christmas gift exchange and they never had time for us. We finally got together last weekend in a last minute “hey we have some time free on Saturday if you want to come” invitation.
read more of how we got here :