One of the most difficult obstacles for a couple to overcome is financial difficulties and in a time when costs are soaring and jobs have been difficult to achieve; financial stress can be in your face. It can weigh down on a marriage and it can leave both of you feeling cranky and sore. This is a vicious circle of tension that will cause disruption in even the most secure of marriages.
Balancing the Checkbook
First and foremost, let’s stay away from numbers. Whenever you start pointing out the numbers of what one spouse spends versus the other, it’s hard not to become accusatory and retaliatory. Often as not, partnership destabilizes when fingers start pointing and even when a marriage is on firm financial footing, the he said, she said and finger pointing can cause issues.
So what can you do to help avoid financial stress on your marriage? The following are some guidelines you establish with your partner because honestly – we’ve all had money problems over the years and we’ve all had issues with too little in with too much going out.
Agree to Disagree
Whether the expenses are important to you and not to your spouse, don’t argue over the nature of the costs and just agree to disagree on whether an expense is frivolous and not. If you are a couple that sits down to budget your costs and expenses every month, be sure to pad your budget with some disposable cash that allows both of you a chance to do with it what you want. If you can’t both have some disposable cash in the same month, alternate from month to month.
Set priorities on the expenses. There are obvious priorities each month that need to be taken care of from the mortgage to the utilities to the grocery bills. If you find yourself using credit cards more often than not, begin a plan to wean yourselves off of them. When times are tight, it’s better to not spend the cash if you don’t have it.
A great way to exercise control over your financial health is to not let yourself become credit card dependent. It’s hard, because unexpected costs can sweep your legs out from underneath you. If you don’t have the cash, don’t spend it. Keep one or two cards in reserve for emergency purposes only. Pay them down as quickly as you can.
If you like using the reward points some cards offer, like American Express, use those cards to buy things like groceries and pay your bill off at the end of each month. This way you can accumulate points to devote to things like gift cards to Toys R Us and more – and still not rack up the credit card bills.
Finally, make a pact to forgive the little spending as long as both are aware of it and limit any large expenses to a discussion between you. The last thing you want is a huge surprise to startle either one of you and it’s important for a couple in a marriage to work together, not in opposition and as long as they work together as partners they can avoid distressing their marriage and that’s more important than a few bills.
What do you do to avoid financial stress?